People have asked me, "What is the point of living on the razor's edge? Is it for excitement? Inspiration? Enlightenment? Or even for learning to partner with Spirit--which is what you often seem to indicate?" Actually, it is all of these, and more.

To my mind, the real work of the razor's edge is about finding joy. But that isn't obvious at first. Like rainbows that appear only after a summer shower, joy can't shine through until we have weathered the storms that are ours to face.

That's the way it goes on this path. Tough times require faith and perseverance. But if we keep putting one foot in front of the other--and most importantly--if we determine to learn and grow through even the worse of times, a particular joy may find us.

The way I see it, this joy is not the same as mere happiness. Think of it this way: If joy is an ice cream sundae, happiness is the cherry on top. Many people just go for the decoration but leave the full dessert because they shun what appears to be plain vanilla. What they miss are the richer tastes and textures hidden for those with the courage to embrace the fullness of what life serves up.

You see, those stories about the light at the end of the tunnel are true. Or, as I heard the other day: "The light at the end of the tunnel isn't an illusion; the tunnel is."

The luminescence that is meant here is what's truly present--even in our darkest hours. And that's how joy finds us; it follows the light we invoke through practice, devotion, and service to whom and what we love.

So our work is to shine an ever-brightening light on life's deepest conundrums, so that we may allow Spirit to illumine our way to a vital new existence. Here we discover a fresh sense of self-appreciation, self-awareness, and even gratitude for some of the biggest challenges we will ever face.

Because here's the key: When the worst thing that has ever happened to you becomes the most important experience of your life, you find joy. Not a silly, happy-go-lucky kind of superficial satisfaction--but a deep experience of being connected to a universe that is teeming with compassion and care.

This joy brings with it more than a feeling of elation that temporarily tickles our fancy. It eases into the body, mind, and heart with a lasting, grounded sensation that is simultaneously powerful, meaningful, peaceful, and holy.

That state of awareness is what I call "The Beautiful Middle of Now Here." Living there as a permanent stage of development is an essential goal of life. Getting there, of course, is the most arduous adventure of all. 

Yet there is a way through that wilderness journey. And the deeper we venture into life's greatest challenges, the more clearly we see that the way is joy itself.

Copyright © 2014 Cheryl Eckl Communications, Inc. All rights reserved.

Read more about Cheryl Eckl and The LIGHT Process in "The Author Speaks" by the Psychology Today Book Brigade

“I have reported the bullying to my principal, but nothing has happened. It’s still going on. What can I do?” I often get questions like this from parents and teachers who want to help their students.  I am sharing some tips I have developed to guide adults as they try to work with their school communities to be more responsive to concerns about bullying, harassment, and related safety issues.

 1.    Document Everything

This is one of the most essential things for both the adult and student to do. The student needs to document every interaction that shows a pattern of repeated, targeted bullying and harassment. Either on a page in their notebook or with a cell phone (using the camera, audio memos, notepad, or other apps), they should document the following: date, time, location, people involved, description, and list of witnesses. 

Adults should keep track of every phone call, email, and face-to-face conversation related to the topic: date, time, mode of communication, summary of the interaction. If it was a face-to-face conversation, it is helpful to follow up with an email that says something to the effect of, “I wanted to write you to follow up on our conversation today. We discussed… and we agreed that you would… and I would…” This way everyone has a clear and shared understanding of what was said and what would happen.

 2.    Empower your child/student

If your child or student is feeling targeted and vulnerable, then it is important to empower them and include them in the problem-solving process as much as possible – keeping in mind their age, language skills, and emotional readiness. For younger elementary students it may be as simple as asking them, “If you could wave a magic wand to fix this problem, what would you wish for?” For older children you can have a more in-depth conversation about how they feel and what are some things that would make them feel safer at school. It is important to keep them informed about the steps you are taking so they know that you are advocating for them, but you don’t want them to feel overwhelmed by the process. Each child/student is different, so use your unique knowledge about this person to guide the level of involvement of your child/student. It also may be helpful to remind them that they may not be the only one feeling this way, so you aren’t only advocating for them, but you are trying to make the school better for all students.

 3.    Find allies and advocates

If the principal or school counselor hasn’t been immediately responsive to your concerns, it is useful to seek out other individuals in the school who may be able to help find creative solutions to the problem. For parents, you can reach out to the school nurse, the homeroom teacher, a different administrator, or the school secretary. Each of these folks have an insider’s understanding of the school’s culture and may be able to connect you with other staff at the school or school district who can assist you. For teachers, having careful conversations with your colleagues to find out who also works with the students involved and may be having similar difficulties can help you share strategies and develop more unified responses. Also seeking support from your district office or county office of education might connect you with additional local expertise. Finally, for both parents and teachers, find out of there are local or statewide advocacy groups that might have additional information to help you. Local chapters of GLSEN, the ACLU, and anti-bullying projects are helpful places to start. Here in the central coast of California, we have recently established the Central Coast Coalition for Inclusive Schools to help schools better address these issues and to support and advocate for students and families.

 4.    Develop a collaborative relationship

Often parents who are advocating for their child can be very upset about the experience they are having with the school. This strong emotional response can lead to accusations and heated conversations that can put school personnel on the defensive. Try to approach the school as partners in addressing this problem. These school professionals are people you need to care about this issue, but it is difficult for them to have empathy and see issues from your point of view when they are feeling attacked. The more you can approach the school with the perspective of trying to share information with them so they can better serve ALL students, they may feel less defensive and more willing to receive the information you have to share with them.

 5.    Focus on the facts

Now that you have documented everything, try to keep the focus on the facts in your conversations. These are highly emotional topics and the more our emotions get involved the harder it can be to find common ground and work towards solutions together. If you can emphasize the pattern of behavior you and your child/student have documented in meetings and conversations, you all can stay focused on how to address these patterns.  Being informed about your school district’s policies and relevant state and federal laws can also help frame the conversation in terms that are widely accepted and have clear consequences. The more you can use terms and phrases that the professionals are already familiar with, the more likely you will get a more organized and clear response.

 6.    Research relevant laws & policies

Do your homework and read your school district’s policies on safety, bullying, and non-discrimination. These policies should list prohibited behaviors and indicate the response protocols that should be implemented when these behaviors are observed or reported. You may need to file a formal report in order to initiate these protocols. If illegal behavior has been involved (physical or sexual assault, vandalism, stalking, cyberbullying, etc.) is involved you may also want to make a simultaneous report to the local law enforcement. Schools may try to discourage this so they can handle matters internally, but if they have a pattern of not responding clearly and promptly, then you must consider this option to keep your child/student as safe as possible.

Most states also have bullying laws – some are better than others. Read your state laws so you know what the standards are that schools are expected to uphold. My research in California indicates that many school policies are out of date and do not reflect updates in state laws. So be sure to read the school policies and check the date when they were passed. They may be missing new information passed at the state level. If the school district is out of compliance, or not responding to your reports in a timely fashion (7-10 business days), then you should consider going up the chain.

 7.    Go up the chain

In the state of California, there is a very clear flow chart for any report of bullying. Every district in the state uses a Universal Complaint Form and the graphic below illustrates the sequence of events when a form is filed. A recent audit of district bullying policies indicate that there are sometimes delays and conflicts of interest in investigating these reports. Do not hesitate to go to the County Office of Education or even the state Department of Education if you believe your complaint is not being handled properly at the district level. Also, if federal laws are involved (in cases of discriminatory harassment on the basis of gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, disability) you can contact the Office for Civil Rights at the Federal Department of Education and file a complaint there as well. The American Civil Liberties Union has state chapters that may be able to assist you in navigating this process. 

 8.    Take care of yourself

Advocacy work in the face of a resistant institution can be exhausting, depressing, and demoralizing. It is important to remember why you are doing this work and to ensure that you can continue advocating for your child/student. Give yourself permission to take a break when necessary and find folks who can help you release some frustration in healthy ways: running, hiking, reading, talking – whatever works for you. My training as an Emergency Medial Technician has always come in handy here: if you put yourself at risk, you can’t help anyone else. Its okay to take a break and step away from this work in order to allow you to keep going and be the best advocate you can be.

 9.    Remind your child/student they are loved

Research indicates that unconditional acceptance by family members provides some of the strongest protection for youth who experience hostility and violence at school and in the outside world. Continuing to affirm the child and remind them that they are not the problem, the system is, is something to do continuously throughout this process. Remember that you are doing all of this so they can be healthy and happy. 

10. Keep all options on the table.

 If none of these steps get the results you need, it may be time to consider other options. Not all families have as many options as others – particularly those in rural locations or families with limited resources or mobility – but if you can explore a: school transfer, inter-district transfer, private school, boarding school, online school, or home schooling these are all alternatives that might help this child/student have a more healthy and productive educational experience.

Finally, if at any time during this process you feel you want to connect your school with an expert to reinforce your message or to provide professional development for their staff, I provide these services as well. You can read more about my books, articles, and media interviews on this topic and consulting services at: www.elizabethjmeyer.com

When political scientists talk about the importance of trust, they often reach for the literary stars. They pull out the big metaphors. They add some purple to their prose. Researcher Eric Uslaner once called social trust the “chicken soup” of social life. Sociologist Pamela Paxton has argued that trust is “the magic ingredient that makes social life possible.” One German academic was Teutonically blunt, declaring that “a complete absence of trust would prevent [one] even getting up in the morning.”

Despite the florid writing—and the extensive research behind the basic idea—we continue to undervalue the importance of trust. We don’t do enough to support our faith in others, and for me, one of the best ways to think about the importance of trust is to consider capuchin monkeys. The small primates live in Central America, and they often work together. When the capuchins chase squirrels, for instance, the monkeys will often go after the babies, with one capuchin distracting the mother while its partner reaches into the nest to swipe one of the children. After netting their prey, the monkeys will eat the squirrel together, making sure to share their haul with each other. 

So how do the animals create a sense of trust? How do they know if another monkey is trustworthy? In his wonderful book The Age of Empathy, primatologist Frans de Waal discusses recent research on the monkeys by University of California, Los Angeles’s Susan Perry, and it turns out that one capuchin monkey will sometimes stick his finger inside the eyelid of another capuchin and then hold his finger there for a while. I called Susan Perry to find out more, and for the monkeys, the experience seems just as odd as it sounds. One monkey will slide his finger into another monkey’s eye socket, and then the pair of animals will sit there with a “zen-like look,” Perry told me.

In his book The Age of Empathy, de Waal argues that researchers don’t know why the animals engage in “eyeball poking,” but he suggests that it might all about building trust, that the monkeys use the behavior as a way to create faith in each other. Or think of it this way: If one capuchin knows that another capuchin won’t rip out his eye out during a session of “eye poking,” then that capuchin is a monkey to work with in the future.

 In other words, “eye poking” seems like a capuchin version of the so-called “trust fall,” as de Waal points out. “Perhaps capuchin monkeys,” de Waal writes, “are trying to find out how much they really like each other, which may then help them decide who can be trusted to support them during confrontations within the group.”

 What’s striking, as de Waal suggests, is that the monkeys are willing to risk so much to find out who is trustworthy. Would you want a dirty finger in your eye socket? Would you be willing to risk your eyesight to figure out if you could work with someone or not?

In the end, my point is that if you ever find yourself wondering just how much trust matters, don’t go looking for the answer in purplish prose. Instead, hit play on this video from Susan Perry’s capuchin research and watch just how much a monkey is willing to gamble in order to gain some sense of trust.

This blog item was first published on Ulrich Boser's website. Portions of the blog may have also appeared before in other work by Ulrich Boser, includinghis forthcoming book The Leap: The Science of Trust and Why It Matters. 

The first time scientists sequenced a person’s entire genome, it took more than a decade and cost hundreds of millions of dollars. Currently, such sequencing takes less than twenty-four hours and costs less than $5,000 (see figure 1).

To put that into perspective, Myriad Genetics charges $3,000 to test for mutations in just two genes associated with breast cancer. The days of affordable genomic sequencing are rapidly approaching. But will such testing bankrupt us?

In most consumer markets, lower prices are a boon to consumer budgets. In the 1950s, for example, Americans spent over 30% of their income on food. But with food production becoming more efficient, that percent has been cut in half. Like we learned in ECON 101, produce food – or computers or clothing – for less money, and people will spend less money on those goods.

Figure 1.

But that straightforward economic truth does not necessarily hold when it meets the crooked logic of the American healthcare system. Consider what happened to healthcare costs when old-fashioned gallbladder surgery was overtaken by laparoscopy cholecystectomy. In the old-fashioned approach, the surgeon would make a sizeable incision in the patient’s upper belly (right under the rib cage on the right side) and remove the gallbladder, leaving the patient with impressive scars and several days in the hospital before he or she recovered enough to go home. With the newer laparoscopic approach, surgeons make a few tiny incisions, sneak a laparoscope through one of the openings to remove the gallbladder, leaving patients with a few butterfly Band-Aids and a quick return home. By substantially shortening the hospital stay, this laparoscopic approach was much cheaper than its predecessor. So we must have saved money on gallbladder surgery, right?

Wrong. Because the new procedure was safer, many patients who were previously too risky to operate on were now fair surgical game, as well as those with mild gallbladder disease who had previously been treated with a “tincture of time” (meaning the physician would wait to see if their symptoms would resolve without surgical intervention). As a result of the safety of this procedure, the rate of gallbladder surgery skyrocketed more than 20% after physicians adopted laparoscopy, more than wiping out the cost savings of the new approach.

Genomic testing may raise medical expenses for a similar reason. As testing becomes less expensive, genomic sequencing can be utilized by an ever broader swath of patients. Moreover, unlike laparoscopic cholecystectomy, which definitively treats a specific illness, genomic sequencing can be used to screen for unknown illness or risk factors. Laparoscopic cholecystectomy is the end of treatment for most people with gallbladder disease. Genomic sequencing is the beginning of a diagnostic and treatment cascade for many people who receive such tests. A suspicious mutation may launch further testing to see if the mutation is a harbinger of hidden illness.

Some experts contend that genomic sequencing will lower costs when it helps to tailor therapy to those patients most likely to respond to treatment. Genetic testing may indicate whether a patient’s tumor is responsive to targeting chemotherapy. This would theoretically save money, if patients lacking the right genomic signature are spared an expensive and ineffective treatment. However, such cost savings will only come to fruition if clinicians withhold such treatments from their patients, which is not guaranteed to happen, especially if the genetic information is imperfect and some unidentifiable (if small) subset of that population would potentially respond to treatment.

Furthermore, if new treatments are only available to targeted populations of patients, the market for such products will be reduced and industry will likely respond by raising prices. Research and development costs are no smaller for treatments aimed at small populations than ones targeted at large populations. In fact, they might even more expensive, because it is harder to recruit patients for clinical trials which raises the cost of such testing. Consequently, manufacturers must recoup their costs over a smaller population of patients, thereby raising per-patient costs.

An extreme example of this phenomenon is the orphan drug industry, which develops interventions for diseases or conditions affecting no more than 200,000 people. Prices of these interventions often exceed $150,00-$200,000 per patient. If genomic testing helps target interventions more efficiently, it could turn many more conditions into orphan diseases.

To fully realize the promise of less expensive genomic testing, we may need to take measures to limit the number of people receiving such tests or the price of interventions targeted to people with uncommon mutations.

***Previously Posted on Forbes***

"How do you mentally prepare to go back to work?" a friend asked me early this morning.

Today I return to Rutgers University in Newark after my sabbatical. I will step into the classroom and meet my new students. Today we kick off the fall semester, and for many of my students it will be the beginning of their college experience. It's an exciting time for them, and for me.

So, how did I prepare mentally to return to campus after my sabbatical? Indeed, preparation is needed. The temptation is to think how great the sabbatical was, how much I enjoyed the time I spent at the New York Public Library to read and to write my book.

The temptation is to moan like the wind when thinking about the administrative side of my work, which can be a great bore.

But giving in to this temptation would lower my energy and put me in an unproductive state of mind. It would do no good neither to myself nor to my students.

So, to prepare myself mentally I need to get into a productive state of mind so that when in the next hour I will step into my first class for this semester, I will be a channel of positive energy and an inspiring educator.

How do I get into the right state of mind? I focus on what my purpose is to be an educator. I think about what motivates me to teach young people. Not only do I think about it but I also try to feel it. It is the purpose to pass on knowledge, to inspire my students, to help them to become more aware of the reality they inhabit and they contribute producing; to teach them notions from the fields of anthropology and peace studies that can help them define and live their life purpose, to develop and to enrich the vision they have for their life. To be a contribution to their life project.

I think about it. I feel it. And now I am ready to step into class, meet my new students and kick off the new semester.

Helicopter parents of college-age children are the folks we love to hate. A steady stream of articles and blog posts bristle with indignation over dads who phone the dean about a trivial problem or moms who are too involved with junior’s love life. But how common are such incidents, really? And how damaging are the effects of helicopter parenting (HP) when it does occur?

Even academic articles on the subject tend to offer generalizations drawn from popular media coverage -- coverage that, in turn, relies mostly on anecdotes. When you track down hard data, however, the results contrast sharply with the conventional wisdom. Yes, most parents are in touch with their college-age children on a regular basis. But communicating isn’t the same thing as intervening on a child's behalf, and the latter seems to be fairly rare. The National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE), which reached out to more than 9,000 students at 24 colleges and universities, found that only 13 percent of college freshmen and 8 percent of seniors said a parent had frequently intervened to help them solve problems.

As one university administrator told the Chronicle of Higher Education, “The popular image of modern parents as high-strung nuisances who torment college administrators doesn’t match reality.” In any case, students certainly don’t seem to be tormented by their parents. An overwhelming majority of the 10,000-plus University of California students contacted in a separate 2009 survey said their parents weren’t involved in their choice of courses or their major.

Alarming media reports have also claimed that parents hover when their young-adult children enter the workplace, but there's little basis for that claim either. Michigan State University researchers found that 77 percent of the 725 employers they surveyed “hardly ever witnessed a parent while hiring a college senior.” As for grown children outside of college and the workplace, the only study on the topic I could find, published in 2012, reported that just one in five or six parents seemed to be intensely involved in their children’s lives.

But what about the effects of such parenting when it does occur? Three small studies have raised concerns about the more extreme versions of HP, connecting it to anxiety or a lower sense of well-being. In each of these studies, questionnaires were given to about 300 students at a single college. But it turned out that the items on these questionnaires were mostly tapping how controlling the parents were. If the problem is control rather than indulgence, that forces us to rethink the "coddled kids" narrative offered by many critics of HP.

And there's another problem: It’s not clear that HP caused the problems with which it was associated. The researchers in one study acknowledged that unhappy students "may view their parents as more intrusive.” Those in another admitted that “when parents perceive their child as depressed, they may be more likely to ‘hover.’” In other words, pre-existing unhappiness may have drawn the parents in, or it may have led the students to interpret their parents’ actions as excessive. Either way, the evidence doesn't prove that HP makes kids unhappy.

Other research, meanwhile, has actually made a case in favor of parents' being actively connected and involved with their young-adult children. The NSSE survey didn’t find a lot of HP going on, but students who did have such parents reported “higher levels of [academic] engagement and more frequent use of deep learning activities.” In fact, children of helicopter parents were more satisfied with every aspect of their college experience.

Similarly, in that 2012 study of grown children, "frequent parental involvement, including a wide range of support, was associated with better well-being for young adults.” Support (not limited to money) from one’s parents may be helpful, if not critical, when students graduate with a crushing load of debt.

Denunciations of HP, however, seem to be based less on evidence than on a scornful attitude about young people -- witness a Time cover depicting a young man sitting in a sandbox ("They Just Won't Grow Up") -- and on the value judgment that kids ought to be become independent as soon as possible. But this judgment merits our skepticism. First, maturity isn't the same as self-sufficiency. Most developmental psychologists have concluded that the quality of relationships, including those with one's parents, continues to matter even past childhood. Good parenting is less about pushing one's offspring to be independent at a certain age than being responsive to what a particular child needs.

Second, independence is closely connected to an individualistic worldview that is far from universal. Some cultures are more likely to emphasize the value of interdependence. And the cultural bias that seems to fuel condemnations of HP has a very real impact on students’ well-being. A fascinating series of studies published in 2012 by a multi-university research team revealed that “predominantly middle-class cultural norms of independence" are particularly ill-suited for young adults who are the first in their families to attend college. Those expectations create a hidden academic disadvantage for working-class students and students of color, with adverse effects on their academic performance and well-being.

Given the expectations of self-sufficiency that permeate elite colleges in particular, connections with, support from, and maybe even interventions by parents become that much more important to help students succeed. Strident denunciations of HP are particularly unfortunate, in other words, when no attention is paid to differences among students and their backgrounds.

In fact, given all the evidence that suggests it's neither particularly pervasive nor pernicious, it may be time to reconsider our assumptions about helicopter parenting in general. Those assumptions tell us more about the people who make them than about the reality they presume to describe.

______________________________

This article is adapted from Alfie Kohn's new book, The Myth of the Spoiled Child.  Complete citations to the research cited here can be found in the book.

One of the common complaints I hear from couples is that one of the partners feels that she is not important, or that the relationship itself is not important – it’s pushed aside by work or kids or whatever…. Sometimes this is situational – one of you is dealing with a ill parent or work demands have ramped up.

But more often it is patterns that you've both fallen into. You both feel disconnected. You may not argue but you also don’t talk beyond mapping out the logistics of the day or week. You fall into parallel lives, daily routines with each of you doing your own thing. You really haven’t had a date night since... honestly, you don’t remember.

Time to change it. A good way of thinking about your relationships is that it is like a baby that you both created and are responsible for and tending to. When the baby gets sick, isn’t doing well, you both need to be concerned and step up. You both stay attentive and are committed to seeing it thrive and grow. It's a combination of consciously keeping the negative from getting worse, and consciously making the positive a postive. 

Some tips for doing so:

#1. Check-in with each other. A common gripe is, “You never ask how I’m doing!” Again a symptom of disconnections and parallel lives. Don't just complain, but step up and change the pattern: Proactively talk about you and what you are doing, rather than waiting for your partner to ask and getting resentful.

A more important, but often forgotten focus is checking in on the baby – How are we doing? It’s easy to bypass this conversations because they are out of your routine or because you are afraid of the answer. But these are the important conversations to have, to talk about the elephant in the room. Do it even though, because it is hard. If you need to, plan check-in times once a week.

#2. Don’t defend. When your partner raises a complaint, try and avoid that easy response of defending – No, I didn’t – and then stacking up evidence to make your case. Basically what you are doing at this point is trying to convince the other that you’re right, he's wrong. You then start to argue over whose reality is right, who is more the victim.

Don’t do this. Yes, easier said than done, but the attitude you need to try on here is: "Even though I feel that I’m doing my best, I see that you are still not happy. Because I care about you, I want to understand what you need and will try and make it better." This is not giving in, kowtowing to the other person, but being a sensitive, reasonable adult.

#3. Don’t counter attack. Counter attacking is usually the next step in the escalating argument: “You’re complaining about this, but I don’t say anything about that…” This again is about power struggling, not good. Yes, your complaints may be valid, but save them for the moment. Again this doesn't mean you forever have to bite your tongue, but rather that you are dealing with one problem at a time. For now focus on your partner’s concerns, and at a later time when you are both calm, bring up your own.

#4. Schedule couple time. Okay, enough on the negative. Think positive. Because it is so easy to go on auto-pilot and drift apart, you need to go against inertia and plan date nights, touch-downs, weekend trips. You both need to create positive shared experiences in order to counter the mundane, build good memories, and have something to look forward to.

#5. Treat each other with courtesy, sensitivity, and respect. This is the foundation of everything above. You automatically do this on your job (I hope), but it's easy not do this in a relationship because you are more comfortable with each other and you know how to push each other’s buttons – all understandable. But when the relationship (the baby) is suffering in even small ways, this needs to be your default mode, what you go back to to change the emotional climate in the relationship. Again, again, it's not about giving in, but treating each in the way that you need to be treated.

#6. Say Yes And rather than Yes But. Improv is all about working together as a team, and the number one rule of improv is Yes And. Rather than getting defensive or controlling and negating what the other person is saying, you build on it, add to it, create trust rather than controlling and jockeying for power. If you partner suggests something, assume it is good, not malevolent, assume good intentions and rather than canceling the other’s idea -- Yes but -- go along with it AND then feel free to speak up and add to it: "Let’s go out for Thai food. Yes and this weekend let’s have a BBQ and invite some neighbors." Try for a week, do when you feel disconnected.

#7. Create intimate conversations. Yes, intimacy in general is important -- sex, affection -- but the base level is about communication. It’s all to easy to fall into conversational patterns – you talk about work, I talk about kids, we’re done. Intimacy doesn’t mean talking about deep dark secrets but stepping outside your comfort zones. You’ll know when you're doing exactly that because you’ll have the twinge of anxiety. Take the risk and say it. Deepen the conversation. Have no expectations. Again, it’s about breaking patterns, expanding the ordinary.

#8. Solve problems. As I've mentioned in other posts, it’s good to have business meetings. Planned time to solve problems when you both are not tired, drunk, angry. Have an agenda, be adult, pretend you’re at work. The goal is help your partner understand one thing, solve one problem. Don’t go off into the woods of the past, skip the drama and courtroom. Stay sane. Make your point. Solve your problem.

#9. Talk about talking. If you struggle with any of the above, talk about the struggle  – I have a difficult talking about______because I’m afraid you are going to get angry; I feel you don't make our relationship a priority and when I try and talk about it, I feel you don't listen; it would help me if you did _____. The conversation formula is "When you do _____ I feel ___and it would help me if you did _____. Also try and sort out the problem under the problem – problems are bad solutions. If you feel angry about ____ what are you worried about or hurt by or afraid of? Talk about that instead of the anger. What is the one thing you want your partner to understand and need about you?

Lots of suggestions, a tall order perhaps. If this seems too difficult, too overwhelming consider short-term couples counseling just to have a safe place to sort out what you both need and find out where you get stuck.

Take care of the baby.

Why is it hard to say no? To refuse to do a favor, decline an offer, stay home instead of go out? Saying no can feel like a huge risk. You might worry that your rebuff could elicit rejection, retaliation or rage. And in fact, it might. In an ideal world your need/ wish to say no would be respected, honored and not questioned with no pressure to explain.

When I was a first year medical student I had to leave an ob-gyn. rotation one day for a doctors appointment. I meekly informed my attending by launching into a lengthy explanation. She gracefully stopped me, looked me in the eye and said, “Do what you need to do.” Then she smiled her wide smile and moved on with the group. I was fascinated and relieved. To this day, I think of her in the most elevated way.

 It’s all about boundaries. The other person has their reasons. They may want to tell you about them or they may not, but either way, you get it. You understand. This is so good for a healthy relationship.

But what if you really feel dependent on the other to do something with you or for you? Chances are you can handle many tasks alone or find another option. If not, being judicious about your demands is more likely to yield a generous response. Honoring their need to say no preserves the relationship because it makes the other person feel taken care of. Why would you want to force someone or coerce them into doing what they do not want to do? I once said this to a family member and it did not go over well. Alas.

If you refuse a request you may worry that the other person will be unhappy with you. But complying at a great inconvenience to yourself could render you resentful. A conflict of interest gives rise to bad feelings that have to and can be managed. Another attending of mine, a psychiatrist said, ”Never schedule a patient at a time you are going to resent.” With a bitter brain, you may not deliver the best care, whether you are conscious of it or not.

 Elizabeth Bernstein, in her WSJ article, “The Right Answer is No, http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702303795904579431093572107898 writes, ” “One tiny word can be very hard to say.” She quotes Dr. Vanessa Bohns, assistant professor of management sciences at the University of Waterloo in Ontario. “One of our most fundamental needs is for social connection and a feeling that we belong. Saying no feels threatening to our relationships.”

Saying no may feel and actually be threatening to relationships. But, saying yes can undermine the self and therefore also be threatening to the relationship. If you annihilate you in order to bolster them, harmony is not happening. You may be secretly disgruntled and recoil.

The bottom line is to seek relationships in which you can be who you need to be and do what you need to do.

That said, sometimes, saying yes, when you want to say no, is an intelligent choice. Gather, reflect, weigh. If you are clear about your true feelings and thoughts, it is easier to ascertain how to compromise without resentment. It may be giving in or it may be holding out but if it is your decision, it will probably work out.

I recently found myself watching an "old-style" dog trainer working with a beginner's dog obedience class. I use the phrase "old-style" because this instructor's recommended training techniques that brought to mind the dog training methods recommended by people like Blanche Saunders in her 1946 book, Training You to Train Your Dog. These earlier training techniques mostly involved using your hands or the leash to manipulate the dog into a position and then verbally praising the dog with something like "Good boy!" This current instructor did not allow the use of food or petting as a reward maintaining that "Your words of praise should be enough. Dogs don't require codling and they will respect you more and behave more obediently if you don't pamper them."

More modern trainers accept the scientific data which says that reward training, usually with food rewards, is a more effective method of teaching a dog obedience (click here or here for examples). Even instructors who are not particularly happy with the use of food during training usually allow petting the dog along with vocal praise, so it seemed to me that reliance on the human voice as the only form of reward was not the best training method.

Perhaps it was because of this recent experience that I began to poke around the scientific literature and found a research report that was recently accepted for publication in the journal Behavioural Processes*. The researchers were Erica Feuerbacher of the University of Florida and Clive Wynne at Arizona State University. Although this study did not look directly at learning it did look at the reward value of verbal praise and petting. A number of different variables were measured but the main thrust of the research is easily described. In the first experiment 2 chairs were set up roughly 3 feet apart. One person sat in each chair (either the dog's owner or an unfamiliar person) and the dog was brought into the room and led to each person in turn. One of the people verbally praised the dog using a high pitched happy tone and saying things like "What a good doggie!" The other person petted the dog in a friendly manner but said nothing. Then the dog was led to the other side of the room and released. It is well established that dogs seek out things which they find rewarding and will stay close to people who make them feel good, so the measure that the scientists used was how long the dog stayed near each person. Once the dog was in a marked zone near a person that person continued to verbally praise and talk to the dog or to pet them for as long as the dog was close. The main result was that the dogs stayed near the person who did the petting, whether that person was their owner or an unfamiliar person.

In a follow-up experiment the researchers used only one person in a chair. The most important measure for our purposes is in the condition where a person used verbal praise compared with a condition where the person simply sat in the chair and made no attempt to interact with the dog at all. Here the investigators found that the verbal praise did virtually nothing at all. Ignoring the dog or verbally praising the dog were equally ineffective, and the dogs were not attracted and did not stay close to the person in either condition.

Now this recent experiment dealt with only the reward value of verbal praise and petting but did not specifically address the issue of whether verbal praise by itself was enough to sustain obedience training. For that answer we have to go all the way back to a study that was published in 1967 in the journal Psychological Reports**. This investigation was sponsored by the United States Army and carried out by Roger Mc Intire and Thomas Colley of the University of Maryland. It involved training dogs to respond to basic obedience commands (sit, down, come, heel, and stay). The training was remarkably similar to that advocated by the old-style trainer that I described earlier. For the first eight days the dogs received only verbal praise as a reward in the form of a happily spoken "Good dog!" If the dog did not respond to the command within 15 seconds the dog was physically manipulated into the position (or the leash used to tug him in for the "come" command) and then verbally praised. The measure of the effectiveness of training was how quickly the dog responded. The verbal praise was not very effective since on average it took 14 seconds for dogs to respond (remember that after 15 seconds the trainer enforced the command). For the next 17 days petting was added to the verbal praise. Petting involved five seconds of stroking the dog's head or ears, or occasionally chucking the dog under the chin. This led to a very rapid improvement in performance with the response time dropping down to a group average of only 5 seconds. Next the researchers decided to see whether the verbal praise by itself would be enough to maintain obedience performance once the tasks were well established. For the next 10 days the petting was eliminated and only the "Good dog!" praise was used. At the end of this period the performance had deteriorated to a level almost equal to the first eight days of training. For the last 10 days of the experiment the petting was reinstated to accompany the praise, and it took only a few days for the performance of the dogs to improve. With the petting back in the mix the responses to the obedience commands rapidly sped up and reached to their earlier rapid response level.

The conclusion that can be drawn from this research is that verbal praise alone is not very rewarding and certainly is not enough to establish or even to maintain performance of learned commands in dogs. So if an instructor chooses to ignore the data which says that food rewards are most effective in training, at least petting should be used since that kind of touching seems to be quite rewarding for a dog and seems to be enough to effectively sustain obedience training.

Stanley Coren is the author of many books including: The Wisdom of Dogs; Do Dogs Dream? Born to Bark; The Modern Dog; Why Do Dogs Have Wet Noses? The Pawprints of History; How Dogs Think; How To Speak Dog; Why We Love the Dogs We Do; What Do Dogs Know? The Intelligence of Dogs; Why Does My Dog Act That Way? Understanding Dogs for Dummies; Sleep Thieves; The Left-hander Syndrome

 Copyright SC Psychological Enterprises Ltd. May not be reprinted or reposted without permission

Data from:

* Feuerbacher, E.N. & Wynne, C.D.L. (2014). Shut up and pet me! Domestic dogs (Canis lupus familiaris) prefer petting to vocal praise in concurrent and single-alternative choice procedures. Behavioural Processes. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.beproc.2014.08.019

** Mc Intire, R.W. & Colley, T.A. (1967). Social reinforcement in the dog. Psychological Reports, 20, 843-846

As a therapist, many clients with all types of problems touch my life. But the ones who really touch my heart are those adult daughters of narcissistic mothers.

When I see an adult woman seek treatment for symptoms such as an inability to get close to people, having a hard time letting anyone do anything for them ( because this would be "selfish"), and a long pattern of having people with "big personalities" in their lives, I often wonder if my client's mother is (or was) a narcissist.  I am usually right.

These women often fear if they tell me the truth about their moms that I may not believe them. They'll say something like, "She makes Joan Crawford look like a saint." And often these stories do sound like they are from characters in movies, but they are not.  The only thing these moms have in common with movie stars is the belief that they are quite special and should be treated as so. 

I have observed certain physical attributes and common behaviors in these daughters of narcissists. These moms are often physically striking. Dress and outer appearance is crucial. They often act seductively with men and may have had multiple marriages. 

Money is important to these mothers. And they often use money as a weapon against the daughter. They may promise it, then dangle it away or set significant conditions--something  quite symbolic of the "love" relationship these moms have with their daughters. The child learns early on to not get too attached to good things because they will get taken away.

Recently a client brought in some "glamour shots" of her mom (autographed by her) and a collection of 40 years of cards and letters. The message was loud and clear (although often encrypted in code):  "You should be doing much better with your life. But don’t try so hard because you will never be better than me--and, by the way, dear, no one loves you like your mommy does."

Letting people in is usually challenging for daughters of these narcissistic mothers. Mother has endlessly criticized them, but expects to be admired. She gets what she wants using emotional blackmail: "If you loved me you would do this for me." These children learn to associate love and pain.

What often gets revealed in therapy is a long pattern of  a love/hate relationship. These daughters of narcissists move across the country, rebel in their physical appearance, or choose an avocation their mother would despise as a way to create as much distance as they can.

Sometimes these women start to feel better about themselves. They start to hope. They may accomplish valued goals or get involved with a man even though their mom would disapprove.  But I have also seen these moments of independence come crashing down with a phone call or a visit, letter or text.

That is where therapy work comes in. Helping women gain healthy separation and determining how what they want in a present relationship with their mother opens up a deeper dialogue into what these women want their lives and what they want in their relationships. As a therapist, it's my role to help provide a safe environment. 

During the therapeutic relationship, clients can share some of the horrors they have been through and experience a slow healthy attachment with clear boundaries. Working with a female therapist can allow these women to start to have a range of emotions without punishment or conditions.

It is not always an easy journey. I feel the weight of these narcissistic mothers in the rooms with us. But I have also experienced their presence shrink as the client starts to grow and take on the form they were always meant to be.

Michelle Ross, LCSW, received her undergraduate psychology degree from University of Southern California and her master's degree in social work from the University of Southern California. She completed an intern and fellowship in psychology at the Department of Psychiatry, Kaiser Permanente Hollywood.

In her private practice setting, her specialties include working with men and women suffering from eating disorders, and compulsive addictive behaviors (e.g. spending, eating, addictive relationships). 

For more information, also see It’s All About Me! Recovery for Adult Children of Narcissist. Mothers

Pop! Pop! Pop!

From our hedged-in backyard, we could hear gunshots from Cedarbrook Park, which was a quarter of a mile away. The Plainfield riots had started only five days before. We were down the shore and heard the news on a grainy black and white T.V. set in the motel room beside the sand swept road.

The riots started when a crowd of young black men were asked by the police to disperse from a diner downtown. The men refused, arrests and scuffles took place, and in solidarity with them, many blacks in Plainfield took to the streets in protest. The police went in to break this up, and a crowd of protesters beat an officer to death with a shopping cart. The police, in turn, began massive arrests, more protesters emerged, and what we saw on T.V. was a line of tanks on Front Street. The National Guard had been sent in.

The riots, which took place forty-seven years ago, in 1967, were the logical result of two ill-paired communities. Blacks had come to Plainfield, New Jersey from the south, chiefly the Carolinas, to find work at a large textile company, a 7-Up bottling plant, and Mack trucks. When the company and Mack left, jobs were not available for blacks.

Stores did not hire blacks. The city government did not either. Black women found work as domestics cleaning the homes and taking care of the children of white families. Black men did janitorial work. There were exceptions: Teachers, doctors, lawyers, funeral home directors, but many people were marginalized, and there was not a single black owned business outside of that community.

After the riots took place, whites left Plainfield in droves. My parents were among the few white families to stay. For one thing, my mother and father were relatively color blind; oddly, they identified strongly with blacks, and saw their struggle for civil rights as their own. For another thing, they had bought our fancy home only two years before, would never recover what they had paid for it, and could not afford a comparable property in a white community.

Being brought up in Plainfield, which gradually became a black city, meant that as a white boy, and then a teenager and young adult, I had the great, good fortune to grow up sensing what it might be to like to be black. I had close black friends, experienced times in their homes and rooms, heard the music and cadences and ideas of their parents and families. At Plainfield High School, I joined the Black Student Union. My first day there I wore a, “Free Angela,” button. It was that long ago.

It wasn’t as if I adopted an identity not my own, nor did I try to be someone I wasn’t. Living in a black city meant simply that, like a black kid living in a white city, I assimilated the culture around me. I was educated. What this means is that empathic responses are an imprecise way of describing what’s felt when reading about assaults and murder such as what took place in Ferguson, Missouri. Rather, it seems to me that it’s my family under siege.

Interestingly, the failure on the part of those policing Ferguson, responsible for maintaining social order, is an inability to recognize in the faces of blacks their own eyes, noses, lips, and hair. It’s as if the people whose lives and deaths are in their hands are understood from some great distance. Not knowing anything about the person who stands before him, an officer draws a conclusion.

My hometown of Plainfield was deeply segregated before and after the riots. It was only in our schools where as very young people we got to know one another: Learning in classrooms, attending the same parties, dating, staying up late and talking about everything under the sun.

Recently, a friend from Japan asked me about Ferguson.

“It seems to be escalating,” he said shyly and sadly. “I think that the police though should close their eyes when talking to the blacks there. And then they would only listen to the sound of the other person talking and not see what they look like.”

Despite assurances from Apple that their iCloud service has not been breached, malefactor(s) have managed to grab some very racy pictures of A-list female celebrities (and at least one unfortunate male, baseball star Justin Verlander, who's there mainly because of his connection to supermodel Kate Upton).

The uncensored photos were posted on reddit, which is a wonderful bulletin board for all kinds of discussions. However, it does have some corners that are kind of the armpit of the Internet. They were also up on 4chan — undoubtedly the smelly crotch of the online world.

So people went and ogled. 

As you might expect, even badder guys got on this #Celebgate bandwagon, promising links to those juicy photos, but actually seeking to infect your computer with malware, then steal your identity or your soul or whatever.

Therefore, WARNING: Looking for naughty things on the Internet can easily cause your computer to become infected. Or worse. As I explain in Technocreep, in 2013, Cassidy Wolf, then Miss Teen USA, was victimized by a cyber-intruder who surreptitiously turned on the webcamera in her laptop, which she, perhaps foolishly, kept in her bedroom. He threated to expose the photos online unless she gave him even more explicit ones. Wolf did the right thing and went to the police, who caught the perpetrator and sent him to jail. Being a creepy jerk is not a crime, but stealing people's pictures definitely is.

It turns out the latest breach may have even more unsettling dimensions.

Technical analysis by myself and other researchers has revealed that some of the leaked celeb photos contained metadata that disclosed the camera device used (often an iPhone 5) and the GPS coordinates where the photo was taken. This allowed, for example, Samer Kalef to "confirm that it was Verlander's account that was hacked, not Kate Upton's." You can read more here.

He deduced this from reading the photo locations, helpfully attached by the phone's GPS.  They ranged from Manhattan to Phoenix to Minneapolis, closing matching the road game schedule of the Detroit Tigers. Knowing precise the location of a celebrity's home, or their favorite hangouts, could even pose a risk to their physical security. There are plenty of stalkers out there.

It's worth mentioning that the reason this metadata was intact is that these photos were directly uploaded to cloud storage. When you post a photo on Facebook, Instagram, or a similar service, these bits, called the EXIF data, are stripped off.  But if you email a photo directly to someone, you do run the risk of divulging the precise location.

Perhaps the creepiest aspect of this is that most experts believe this was not an isolated incident. They are now suggesting that it was a long-term effort, by multiple people, who collected and traded forbidden photos like baseball cards. (Sorry, Mr. Verlander.) If you'd like some insight into the minds of the twisted folks who do this, you can read some of their actual words here. 

What they posted may be only the tip of the iceberg. In fact, who knows, those racy photos or videos you thought might be fun to take could be out there too. Celebrities make the most tempting targets, but anyone is fair game in the world of digital theft. It's worth thinking about.

In fact, I suggest you sit down THIS VERY EVENING with your favorite beverage and review the privacy settings of all your programs (like Facebook) and devices (computers, phones, tablets, etc.) Look especially for settings like “upload my photos automatically” or “automatically backup to the cloud.” If you don't understand what something does, ask an expert. Or find a teenager. Even better, keep your most private photos and other personal information on a USB stick, locked away somewhere very safe.

These celebrities have done us a great, if unwitting, service, by alerting us to the sleazy realities of the online world. Nobody wants to blame a victim — but it’s wise to take some precautions to avoid becoming the next victim.

My favorite part of being an author is writing. A close second is finding new books in my mailbox. This fall, there’s an unusually exciting crop of big idea and business books about human behavior, innovation and entrepreneurship, and the fundamental questions of success, meaning, and happiness in work and life. Here are the 14 forthcoming and just-released books to check out:

1. Me, Myself, and Us by Brian Little (October 14)

I’ve never read a book that revealed so much about my own personality, let alone the peculiar habits of my friends, coworkers, and family members. With extraordinary wit and wisdom, Little— the winner of Canada’s highest award for university teaching and one of Harvard’s favorite professors—offers startling insights about our trivial pursuits and magnificent obsessions.

2. Rookie Smarts by Liz Wiseman (October 14)

If you believe in the value of experience, prepare to have your worldview turned upside-down. Wiseman masterfully shows why novices can outdo veterans, expertise blinds us to fresh ideas, and we’re all missing out on the brilliance of the newbies around us.

3. The Innovators by Walter Isaacson (October 7)

The author who brought us the epic biographies of Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein, and Benjamin Franklin is back. It’s the saga of Silicon Valley as we’ve never seen it before: a behind-the-scenes journey with the pioneers who invented the computer, the Internet, and the digital revolution.

4. Crazy is a Compliment by Linda Rottenberg (October 7)

Rottenberg offers a treasure trove of ideas to jumpstart new entrepreneurs and accelerate the success of startups. She has guided many of the world’s greatest entrepreneurs, and this book is full of tips for fueling innovation in companies, nonprofits, governments, and schools.

5. The Upside of Your Dark Side by Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener (September 25)

At long last, here’s a book on why happiness can make us sad, mindfulness might be overrated, and discomfort sets the stage for comfort. This pair of psychologists offers a provocative, evidence-based case for a balanced life. If you don’t read it, you should feel guilty—and it turns out that will be good for you.

6. A Path Appears by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn (September 23)

In their fourth book together, this Pulitzer Prize-winning married couple examines how regular people make a difference. From preventing disease and fixing education, to evaluating global aid and local charity, to fighting violence, the combination of inspiring examples, cutting-edge science, and practical recommendations is going to change how we think about changing the world.

7. How Google Works by Jonathan Rosenberg and Eric Schmidt (September 23)

How did Google grow from a disruptive search engine into the world’s most valuable company? Two leaders share lessons from the inside out on strategy, decision-making, innovation, and culture.

8. Zero to One by Peter Thiel (September 16)

Thiel argues that the secret to progress is not competition, but monopoly. Drawing on his experience as cofounder of PayPal and Palantir, and an early investor in companies like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Yelp, he offers fascinating ideas about how to shift from copying something old to creating something new.

9. Hello, My Name is Awesomeby Alexandra Watkins (September 15)

How do you find the right name for your brand or your company? This is what Watkins does for a living—her company is responsible for renaming a wedding brunch service Bloody Married and a frozen yogurt franchise Spoon Me—and her clever examples and advice will spare us all from putting the wrong foot forward.

10. The Small Big by Robert Cialdini, Noah Goldstein, and Steve Martin (September 9)

If you’ve ever struggled to change the beliefs or behaviors of other people, there’s hope. The world’s leading experts on persuasion offer the best of science and practical insights about influence.

11. Smartcuts by Shane Snow (September 9)

This book solves a major mystery, illuminating how visionaries and pioneers find faster ways to achieve their goals. With spellbinding stories and relevant research, Snow has delivered one of the most entertaining and thought-provoking books of the year.

12. Excellent Sheep by William Deresiewicz (August 19)

According to this former Yale professor, elite colleges aren’t teaching students how to think. Deresiewiczproposes to reinvent higher education so that students develop strong values and find meaningful definitions of success.

13. Powers of Two by Joshua Wolf Shenk (August 5)

We think bold new ideas come from individuals and teams, but the heart of creativity lies in dynamic duos. Shenk examines the chemistry behind the imaginative pairs who spawned the Beatles, Apple, South Park, and the civil rights movement. Learn about the surprising benefits of conflict and power imbalances—and how to find the right partner and build trust.

14. Building a Better Teacher by Elizabeth Green (August 4)

Great education is the foundation of a flourishing society, and it depends on great teachers. Green, a leading education journalist, offers strong evidence and compelling cases to illuminate what it takes to get children to pay attention, sharpen their reasoning, and contribute to insightful discussions.

And if you’re still searching for more, here are the other new releases that I’m looking forward to reading:

• Pioneering the Possible by Scilla Elworthy (October 7)
• How to Kill a Unicorn by Mark Payne (October 7)
• Being Mortal by Atul Gawande (October 7)
• Not That Kind of Girl by Lena Dunham (September 30)
• This Changes Everything by Naomi Klein (September 16)
• Innovating Women by Vivek Wadhwa and Farai Chideya (September 9)
• Dataclysm by Christian Rudder (September 9)
• Mind Gym by Sebastian Bailey and Octavius Black (September 9)
• ·       The Impulse Society by Paul Roberts (September 2)

A record 21 million young Americans have just gone off to college. In recent years, college education has become a rite of passage, an initiation into what psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett (2000) calls “emerging adulthood.” Some see it primarily as job preparation. Others see it as a way for young people to develop a sense of history, learning to think deeply and critically to solve complex problems. For Thomas Jefferson, who founded the University of Virginia, an educated electorate was essential to our democracy (1984/1787).

Yet even as more parents and political leaders talk about the importance of college education, its very definition  is changing. College was once a four-year educational experience when young people expanded their minds with required courses in history, science, foreign languages, literature, and the arts, then specialized in a major,   supported by faculty advisors and mentors. College students often gathered over coffee to discuss life’s deepest questions and the challenges of their times. Now college administrators are adopting new technologies, on-line class modules instead of professors and classrooms, although research suggests that this on-line experience may not provide a quality education (Samuels, 2013). And in the past two decades, the “business model of higher education” has replaced most college professors with temporary contract workers who may not be around from one term to the next, undermining the long tradition of faculty advising and mentoring. While in the 1970s most college faculty held permanent tenure track positions, now more than 70% are on contingent contracts (Ginsberg, 2011, p. 161). Contingent workers, paid by the course, are much cheaper than tenure track faculty and can be terminated at any time. Paradoxically, as the cost of higher education has skyrocketed, college students are paying more for less. In the past 35 years, American colleges have reduced spending on instruction while dramatically increasing the number of administrators—provosts, vice provosts, associate vice provosts, associate provosts, deans, associate deans, assistant deans, and their staffs—most of whom have very little to do with the academic life of  college students (Curtis & Thornton, 2014).

This change in faculty/administrator demographics has gone unnoticed by most parents of today’s college students. And many fail to understand the difference between tenured and contingent faculty, believing rumors that incompetent tenured faculty members cannot be fired. But this is untrue. Tenured faculty are “dismissed for cause” for incompetence, neglect of duties, or professional misconduct. The purpose of tenure is to support academic freedom, essential to higher education. According to the American Association of University Professors, “Academic freedom is essential . . . to both teaching and research. Freedom in research is fundamental to the advancement of truth. Academic freedom in its teaching aspect is fundamental for the protection of the rights of the teacher in teaching and of the student to freedom in learning” (2006, p. 3).

Before the advent of tenure, in the early 20^th century, professors could be fired if their research was unpopular with university donors, even when their teaching and scholarship were exemplary. In 1900, when noted Stanford economist Edward Ross’s research on reforming railroad monopolies upset Mrs. Leland Stanford, the founder’s widow, he was summarily dismissed. Many Stanford faculty members resigned in protest. The remaining faculty were asked to sign a loyalty oath agreeing with Mrs. Stanford or be fired as well. Faculty at universities around the country began to organize, founding the American Association of University Professors (AAUP) in 1915, with distinguished philosopher and psychologist John Dewey as the first president (Ginsberg, 2011). Becoming the voice of the profession, the AAUP established national standards for tenure and academic freedom.

Without tenure, academic freedom is at risk. In 2000, Dr. David Healy, a noted psychiatrist, had his faculty job offer revoked by the University of Toronto. His research revealed the inconvenient fact that Eli Lilly’s drug, Prozac was associated with an increased rise in patient suicide: important information for health care professionals and the general public, but Lilly was a major university donor (Ginsberg, 2011, p. 159). With tenure and academic freedom, vital research findings cannot be suppressed. College faculty can pass on the latest knowledge to their students and the public at large to promote the advancement of learning and the common good.

So what is the point of a college education and the purpose of a university?

The ongoing advancement of knowledge for our students and our future as a free society.

References

American Association of University Professors. (2006). 1940 statement of principles on academic freedom and tenure with 1970 interpretive comments. In  AAUP policy documents & reports (10^th ed., pp. 3-11. Washington, D.C: Author.

Arnett, J. J. (2000). Emerging adulthood: A theory of development from the late teens through the twenties.             American Psychologist, 55, 469-480.

Curtis, J.W. & Thornton, S. (2014, March-April). Losing focus: The annual report on the economic status of the profession, 2013-14. Academe, 100, 4-17.

Ginsberg, B. (2011). The fall of the faculty. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Jefferson, T. (1984). Notes on the state of Virginia. In Jefferson: Writings. M.D. Peterson (Ed.). New York, NY: Library of America. Originally published 1787.

Samuels. R. (2013, January 24). Being present. Inside Higher Education. https://www.insidehighered.com/views/2013/01/24/essay-flaws-distance-education#ixzz2IujdcaLm

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Diane Dreher is a best-selling author, personal coach, and professor at Santa Clara University. Her latest book is Your Personal Renaissance: 12 Steps to Finding Your Life’s True Calling.

Follow Diane on Twitter: Diane Dreher (@dianedreher) on Twitter

Like Diane on Facebook: Diane Dreher | Facebook

I remember with fondness Robin Williams. He made me laugh and he made me cry. I was fortunate to see him perform in person years ago – he was brilliant!

The country mourned the loss of this great actor and comedian. We were reminded about the horrors and potential consequences of depression. Rather than focus on our loss – no longer being able to enjoy the comedic stylings of Robin Williams, I want to spend a moment recalling what I remember most – Robin Williams as the unorthodox professor John Keating in Dead Poets Society.

In this role, Williams disregards the conformist culture of the elite Welton Academy. In one of the most notable scenes from the movie, he urges his students to Seize the Day – Carpe Diem! Indeed, if you were to associate popular phrases with a specific movie, this would be one of the most memorable pairings. 

Keating (Williams) reminds the students that their time on this earth is precious, short, and unpredictable. Williams delivers this message with gusto and his words drip with passion as he implores the students to take advantage of their here and now. Make a difference in the world…Value the time. Or, as my youngest daughter told me when she was just eight years old, “Waste your time wisely!” I couldn’t have said it better.

Later in the movie, Williams, with the class huddled closely quotes Walt Whitman’s poem “O Me! O Life!” For those who haven’t read the poem or would like a reminder, Here it is:                 

Oh Me! Oh Life!        By Walt Whitman

Oh me! Oh life! …of the questions of these recurring,

Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,

Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)

Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,

Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,

Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

What is Whitman saying? In a sense he’s re-asking the age-old question, “to be or not to be?” He's identifying that life is embedded with ups and downs. The downs can get tiring and depressing. It can shake our faith in ourselves and in humanity.  Walt Whitman’s own life was a prime example of this. In this poem he eludes to the populace who betray our hopes and expectations. He considers himself no better than the other fools surrounding him. He describes striving for things that may not be worth the pursuit and the toil and struggle at times simply to survive. He refers to the “empty” and apparently “useless” years which may be wasted without purpose or obvious meaning – and feels as if he were also an integral cog in this wheel. Thus, bringing us to the ultimate question: what is the meaning and purpose of all of these struggles? Why put up with these disappointments and down-turns? Is there a deeper meaning? O Me! 

Fortunately, Whitman also provides us with his rather simple answer which Keating recreated into a life changing moment. Whitman’s answer:

That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

Whitman is letting us know that the fact that life exists, should provide enough drive for us to find purpose to also exist. Most importantly, he reminds us that it is in this life – “this powerful play”, that we each have a pivotal role. We may contribute a verse! This defines who we are and what we are about. It is our personal mission statement.

After reciting the last line of the poem, Robin Williams, as Keating, ardently inquires of the students, the mother of all inspirational questions, “What will your verse be?”

Robin Williams, like Walt Whitman, contributed several important verses. Every one of us has the potential to do the same. Whether your life is judged by others to be one of great success or miserable failure you have not only the ability but the responsibility to contribute a verse.

While it may seem like your verse may get lost in this “mortal coil”. This should not give you pause…we are listening. You have a voice and you have a choice.

Tonight, while you’re sitting around the dinner table with your family or friends, ask them, “What will your verse be?” What kind of legacy would you want to leave?

Thank you for reading My Verse. Thank you, Robin Williams.

This questions arrived in my mail and I thought it was a good enough one to address here: "I have heard you say “Asking for what you want increases your chances of getting it”. I like getting your encouragement to do that. My concern is becoming too demanding. How can I tell when I cross that line?"

Unfortunately, just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it’s usually the other person who will call you on your request/demand and then you get to decide whether his or her perception seems correct. Sometimes it’s your choice of words which will make all the difference. Sometimes it’s in the tone of voice in which you deliver your statement.

“Get that back porch swept!” will of course sound different than “Will you please sweep the porch now rather than later so I can put the furniture in place before the guests arrive.” You can imagine the tone in which both sentences were said. Undoubtedly it was different. Also, providing a reason for the appeal often softens it from demand to reasonable request.

There is a modern locution often used by teachers in classrooms which I personally find very annoying. “I need you to” when what is being asked for is obviously a want and not a need. I need you to remove your foot from my toe if you’re standing on it, otherwise asking you to move because you’re in my way is a want. There is an obvious difference. When “need” is frequently used instead of “want” who is going to be able to tell the difference when a real need is being expressed? It’s sort of like the story of the boy who cried wolf.

Often, the issue of demands (or even reprimands) being perceived when requests are what was intended often comes up in a sexual context. “I’d like you to touch me this way” is heard as “I don’t like the way you’re touching me” or even “You’re doing it wrong!” The partner then chooses to feel insulted and is unlikely to do what is asked, or may view the asker as demanding.

I’m reminded of a couple in my counseling office who had an issue of communicating sexual preferences. Together seven years, she was frustrated because her partner seemed to ignore all her carefully worded suggestions and hints about how she most enjoyed being made love to. At my suggestion she asked him “How would you prefer I let you know what I would like in bed?” His response: “I wouldn’t! I want to figure it out for myself.”

Now when it comes to someone who is this touchy about taking direction, who will perceive any suggestion as a demand to which he stubbornly will not give in, you have a genuine problem.  Any sexual partner who said anything about her preferences would be seen by him as demanding.

In another example from my practice a man who worked at home complained that his wife was constantly interrupting him with housekeeping demands such as “Take this downstairs, or “Don't forget to remove the clothes from the dryer when the buzzer goes off.” Her complaint was that he never helped around the house so she effectively had two full time jobs.  Both were angry and resentful. My suggestion was that he take occasional breaks at his own pace and then ask her what he might do around the house.  He felt less put upon since he was not interrupted and she felt much happier since he was volunteering rather than her being perceived as a nag.

So what is the take-away here?  Some people are going to be compliant no matter how a request or a demand is put. They enjoy being obliging, especially to a loved one.  Others are going to be obstinate and see every request as a demand with which they do not want to comply. Most people will fare better if they  choose their words carefully, state their preferences clearly, and discuss their resentments if they arise.  When it comes to getting along in the world at large and with sex specifically communication is the best lubrication.

Altruism is most commonly thought of as a selfless act that benefits the recipient. However, the science behind good deeds suggests that altruism isn't entirely selfless. In fact, some research suggests that helpers may gain more from their altruistic acts than recipients.

Although there certainly can be downsides to being an active and passionate helper (i.e., increased stress, risk of burnout, frustration), there is a growing body of research that suggests that the upsides of altruism may outweigh the negatives (particularly if helpers go into it being mindful of the risks and taking steps to protect themselves from compassion fatigue).

Here are just a few of the ways that altruism can improve your attitude and make you healthier, happier, and less stressed:

• Releases endorphins - the positive energy that you feel from doing a good deed can act on your body in much the same way that exercise does, releasing endorphins that make you feel good naturally. That's why the "rush" that good deed-doers sometimes experience after performing an altruistic act is referred to as the "helper's high.
• Feeling of satisfaction - just because you're being altruistic doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't feel good about it. You're making a difference in someone else's life and that should make you feel good. There is no reason to try to suppress that feeling or feel guilty about it. Think of it as a perk.
• Helps you feel more grateful for what you have - it's not unusual for people to experience a "grass is greener" feeling from time to time. However, because good deeds are often done for those who are going through a difficult time, the experience can serve to remind helpers that their own lives are actually pretty good. Sometimes, actually seeing what is on "the other side of the fence" can make you feel thankful for what you have.
• Distracts you from your own problems - focusing on someone else can actually pull you away from your own self-preoccupation and your own problems. In fact, studies have found that when people with medical conditions (e.g., cancer, chronic pain) "counsel" other patients with those same conditions, the "counselors" often experience less depression, distress, and disability.
• Improves physical health - research has discovered that helping others can not only improve your mental health, it also can improve your physical well-being. Studies have found that volunteers tend to live longer and often have better physical health than non-volunteers. (Of course, there are other variables associated with good deed-doers that may at least partially account for these findings and more research is being done to try to better understand all of the factors that may play a role.)

However, there is a caveat to all of this. Not everyone benefits from altruism. For example, for those who are already feeling overwhelmed by having too many things on their plate, adding more—even if the intentions are positive—is not likely to end well. This is particularly true for those individuals who have problems with time management.

Also, for those who tend to help the disadvantaged, it sometimes is that case that the sadness of the situations they get involved in has more of a negative than a positive impact on the helper. Some of this has to do with individual personalities, but a good rule of thumb for everyone is everything in moderation. Do what you can to help others, but be careful that you don't take on so much that it turns out that you become the one who needs help in the end.

Burnout among volunteers and those who work in helping professions is common. However, as mentioned at the beginning of this article, the risk can be lessened by being aware of the symptoms associated with burnout and compassion fatigue and by taking steps to take care of your own mental and physical health before trying to take care of others.

© 2014 Sherrie Bourg Carter, All Rights Reserved

Follow Dr. Bourg Carter on Facebook and Twitter.

Sherrie Bourg Carter is the author of High Octane Women: How Superachievers Can Avoid Burnout (Prometheus Books, 2011).

More and more of us are meeting our partners online. A 2011 worldwide study of 25,000 married or cohabitating people found that 15% of all relationships started online. In the group who were 60 years-plus, 37% had met their partners through the internet.

In venturing into the world of online dating, some individuals consider methods to optimise their chances of finding a suitable mate. As is often the case, an element of self-promotion is essential. Perhaps paradoxically, evidence suggests that highlighting your previous relationship history to prospective partners may have a positive impact on securing a date.

In the absence of any other information humans tend to estimate the value of something by being aware of the demand for it. Mate copying is the idea that an individual’s decision to mate or form a relationship with a potential partner is impacted by observation of that person in a relationship with another, or knowledge of their romantic history. This phenomenon has been extensively documented in non-human animals. In the last decade evidence has emerged to support the existence of mate copying in humans.

The idea behind mate copying is information gain. Why go to the trouble of collecting data for yourself when you can let someone else do it and get it for free or at a heavily discounted price? Acquiring information this way may sound immoral, but is it immoral to pay less for something than someone else, or behave in a way that is economical, rational, or clever?

Imitation is a staple of human existence. People copy fashion styles, culinary preferences and business strategies. This is considered perfectly normal and in some cases essential. Utilising the information choices of others to guide decisions makes sense, especially when the alternative is a time and resource consuming trial-and-error approach, or the risks of making the wrong decision are significant.

As an example, in terms of relationships, if Sarah ‘recommends’ John (as evidenced by her romantic association with him), maybe John is ‘valuable’ enough to go out with. If Sarah is particularly attractive (an appealing characteristic) surely there must be something about John that Sarah found appealing. Why did she choose John over other suitors? A woman considering whether or not to date John may benefit from paying attention to this information.

In many of the studies of mate copying to date, researchers have focused on females. This reflects the fact that mate selection in humans is predominantly at the discretion of females.

The evidence suggests that in addition to physical characteristics, women seek additional qualities in a potential mate.  Some of these qualities such as socioeconomic status, ambitiousness, and parental ability may be particularly difficult to readily discern. Is a man going to be a good provider? Will he make a good father? These are difficult questions to answer.

Evidence suggests male attraction centres around physical qualities that signal reproductive capacity and are easily observable, including skin and hair texture and quality (1). The need for additional information is not as great. Due to this asymmetry, mate copying is more common among females than males. In studies where women are asked to rate the attractiveness of photographs of men with a female partner versus alone, men pictured with a partner are generally considered to be more attractive. This finding has been replicated when participants view speed dating footage. Controlling for individual characteristics, men perceived to be more successful at the process were favoured over those that were not (2).

This general finding does not hold for all ages. Younger females, due partly to their inexperience, appear to be more inclined to copy mate choices than their more mature counterparts. This is speculated to be due to younger females having less experience in making mate decisions. Older females are more practised at the discrimination task, and hence may be more confident in the choices they make.

A caveat to these findings is that mate copying appears to only occur if the male’s previous female partner is considered attractive. In other words, men are considered more attractive only if their previous partner is regarded as beautiful. In socially monogamous societies, most men will become partnered at some point. A man with a highly physically attractive partner may have something desirable that a man with a less physically attractive partner does not.

Another important qualifier is that while having a previous partner appears to increase the attractiveness of a man, having too many partners is considered undesirable. In a recent Australian study, women rated the desirability of men with a varying number of ex-partners. Men with one or two ex-partners were considered very desirable. However, men with five or more ex-partners were considered highly undesirable (3). It would seem that although having a previous relationship signifies the presence of desirable traits, having a significantly large number of previous relationships sends messages of promiscuity and lack of commitment.

There exist companies that create the illusion that men have women interested in them (so called “wing-women” services). The idea here is that by feigning attraction to the male client, the wing-woman shows that he is desirable to women, which may increase his chances of securing a date.

On the topic of human relationships, the famous Czech writer Milan Kundera mused, “[it is] one of life’s great secrets: women don’t look for handsome men, they look for men with beautiful women” (4). Here we present evidence for this assertion.

References

(1)   Feingold, A. (1992). Gender differences in mate selection preferences: a test of the parental investment model. Psychological bulletin, 112(1), 125-139.

(2) Place, S.S., Todd, P.M., Penke, l., & Asendorpf, J.B. (2010). Humans show mate copying after observing real mate choices. Evolution and Human Behavior, 31, 320-325.

(3) Anderson, R.C., A Surbey, M.K. (2014). I want what she’s having: Evidence of human mate copying. Human Nature, 25(3), 342-358.

(4) Kundera M. 1978. The book of laughter and forgetting. London:Penguin, 1980.

It has been said many times that failure is a predictor of success. This is, without questions, one of life's great ironies. And it has deep roots into the evolution of life. And it is, without hesitation, simply true.

From a biological / natural selection perspective, the idea is that some features of organisms are more likely (on average, by chance) to make it into future generations compared with other features. Hand grip strength that is strong is likely to lead to better tree climbing, more survival, and more reproduction than weak handgrip (just watch American Ninja Warrior for evidence of this). But while some designs (e.g., strong and versatile handgrip strength) outcompete other designs (e.g., wimpy handgrip strength), all designs will show some level of failure. Adaptations for strong handgrip strength may well have evolved thousands of times during the evolution of the arboreal primates in Africa - and failure, leading to primates falling from canopy to the forest floor, was necessarily a sometimes-consequence. Many-a-primate fell to a gory death during the years when advanced handgrip strength was evolviing. Failure was part of what happened sometimes.

Evolutionary processes work this way. They follow a probabilistic logic - some qualities are "more likely" to lead to success than are other qualities - but will have failure rates that are different from zero. A "good adaptation," for instance, may lead to a 10% death rate while a "not as good" adaptation may lead to a 30% death rate. From this mathematical/evolutionary perspective, failure is necessarily part of the game. The issue is not whether one feature will fail and another will not - the issue is more subtle, nuanced, and statistical-based. The issue is whether one feature will, on average, lead to a higher proportion of successes relative to failures compared with alternative features.

Evolutionary Failure and Real Life

All this conceptual stuff about how evolution works has real implications for how our lives progress. In life, you sometimes succeed and you sometimes fail. This is just how it goes. When we step back and look at organic evolution, the same exact process is true - some biological adaptations succeed (and come to typify a species) and other such adaptations fail (and come to NOT typify species).

Picking Dandelions to Learn about Success and Failure

But the evoluiton of life is relentless - and this lesson needs to be included in this discussion. Ever pick dandelions out of your yard? Good luck. You may start with 20, increase to 100, commit to "pick them all," only to find that you have picked 80, but that 85 more (that you had not seen before) are now in your sideyard - and so forth. In the evolutionary story of a modern yard, dandelions show an extraordinary failure rate (they get picked at lot) - only to be out-done by an even more extra-ordinary success rate (they find good envrionments and grow a lot).

What happens when you squash a dandelion plant? Does it cry? Does it say, "Go ahead without me - I just cannot do this anymore!" ... or does it just follow its biological design, and disseminate seeds in wayward, random directions, with the (apparent) goal of growing more flowers all over the place?

Dandelions, and so many other natural forms of life, have the greatest possible lessons for all of us humans out here - whether we know it or not. And here it is: Dandelions cannot help but fail at times. They don't seem to have evolved mechanisms designed to reduce failure at all. Rather their strategy toward proliferation seems more like this: (a) grow a lot, (b) grow quickly, (c) grow wherever, (d) turn to seed asap, and (e) go back to step (a). ... Ever see a field full of dandelions? I bet you have. And that, my friend, is because this particular evolved strategy works - it, on average, is effective at faciliating growth and reproduction. My front yard in late April is a testament to this fact.

More failure corresponds to more success.

The irony of the dandelion is this: The more failure the plants encounter corresponds strongly to the more success that the plants encounter. In essence, these plants are trying - and the consistently make effforts at replicating. They often get squahsed. A six-year old may decide to make a daisy chain out of them or give a bouquet to a lucky parent. A lawn mower may actually take some of these soldiers down for some time. But in the end, the evolutionary strategy of the dandelion is just so strong. They ALWAYS come back.

Their general plan is simply this: Grit and Perseverance. Keep at it - move forward through failure, and you are likely to see another day and to grow.

Human Success Maps onto Dandelion Success

Humans are a lot like dandelions. We try all kinds of things. For instance, if you are a kid trying out for a part in a play, you may get rejected the first year (as a dandelion may get weedwhacked in Season 1).  But the dandelion, due to its biological design, keeps trying. It tries a new area of the yard - its pods and the wind may bring it a mile away. It "gives it another go." And that may work.

Does this strategy work for you? You didn't get this particular part in this particular play. Should you just go belly-up, then? Well a dandelion wouldn't do that! Maybe try another play - another role - another venue - another group - another accent. Give something else a try - maybe this may be the solution!

And don't get discouraged. The dandelion may fail five more times before it finally yields a plant that has just the right conditions to facilitate reproductive success. The four or so failures beforehand were just part of the process.

Think about any human domain in which success is a goal. We could learn quite well from the natural world. Suppose you want to succesfully publish a scientifiic journal aticle. Well if you ask any scientist you will be told that failure early on in the process is par for the course. Any good scientific article may well have been rejected a good 3 other times by other journals before it got accepted. But a good and dedicated scholar knows this - and keeps at it. Just like, with evoltionarily ancient and non-conscious rules, dandelions seem to "decide" where and when they will take up new territory. And, like scientific manuscripts, they will probably fail, but like the scientific manuscripts of persistent and successful scholars, they will be resubmitted - ultimately to the point of production and publication.

Failure is a Prerequisite for Succes in Life

Those who do not try are those who do not succeed. The most successful among us are, without exception, those who have failed the most - as a result of being those who have tried the most.

The greatest scholarly successes ever came on the heels of mountains and mountains of failures. And that is OK. That is natural. The greatest dandelion fields in the world were preceded also by fields and fields of lawnmowers and poor soil conditions. But, based on their evolutionary history, dandelions are like the honeybadger - they just don't care! So they came back!

And humans who are trying to accomplish something can learn a lesson here from their sisters the dandelions. Perfectionism has little place in production and optimization.

Whatever You are Doing, Channel Your Inner Dandelion

Be like a dandelion. Try, expect to fail; try, deal wth a failure; try, deal with a different failure; then, one day, succeed - you will have a field full of dandelions - or a vita full of publcaions - or a classroom full of students who understand the material. Or whatever it is that you are striving for.

Realizing that the failure-to-success ratio in any endeavor is high should go a long way to helping people stay on track and continue to stay moving toward their goals.

Based on this reasoning, the most successful among us - in any field - are those who have failed the most. And as a corrolary, failing a lot is highly predictive of ultimate success and innovation - in any field. This is part of the deal of who we are - and undertanding our evolutionary roots helps us get exactly why failure is ultimately (if ironically) predictive of success.

So you want to succeed in your life endeavors? Then be like the evolution of a living organism. Harness your inner dandelion. Smile at adversity, welcome failure, and realize that hard-work and perseverace (peppered with some failures) are the great predictors of success in an evolutionary sense.

What is MTHFR?

You many not have heard of MTHFR yet, but it is the acronym for a gene (methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase) that produces an essential enzyme. The acronym for the enzyme is also MTHFR. It’s worth knowing about this gene because it plays a key role with regard to many aspects of emotional and physical health.

Who Should Know About MTHFR?

This article may be of greatest interest to those who have been diagnosed with one of the mental health issues linked to having an MTHFR mutation, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or autism. MTHFR mutations also increase the risk of several physical health problems, including but not limited to cardiovascular disease and stroke, recurrent early miscarriage, migraine with aura, osteoporosis, and some cancers. So, it’s worth knowing about this mutation even if one or more of the above conditions run in your family.

Response to Drugs

The presence of an MTHFR mutation can also alter one’s response to medications, including antidepressants and some chemotherapy drugs. Furthermore, it can increase the risk of having an adverse reaction to receiving nitrous oxide anesthesia (a common dental anesthetic). Therefore, individuals with an MTHFR mutation should speak with their physicians/dentists prior to undergoing any procedure that would require anesthesia.

A Quick, Basic Genetics Overview

As you may remember from biology class, genes are pieces of our DNA that control a specific characteristic (such as hair or eye color, etc.). Each gene is made up of two alleles, or specific forms of that gene. In short, genes and their alleles determine what traits we inherit from our ancestors. Sometimes these traits are obvious, such as having blue vs. brown eyes. Other times, the result of a specific trait may not be immediately obvious, such as whether we will like or detest the herb cilantro, metabolize caffeine quickly or slowly, or have increased or decreased risk of a health problem down the road.

A mutation is a naturally occurring process that causes a specific variation on one or more alleles of a particular gene, changing a sequence in our DNA. Having a mutation on both alleles at a specific location on a gene is generally associated with a greater impact than if only one of a pair of alleles is different from normal.

How Common Are MTHFR Mutations?

By some estimates, up to 40% of the population may have an MTHFR mutation of some kind. The current data suggest that between 6 and 14% of Caucasians and about 2% of those of African descent probably have a more severe (two mutated alleles) version of the mutation. In Hispanics, this number may be as high as 21%. But even having one mutated allele is associated with increased risk of certain health problems. For example, having one mutated allele at either of two specific locations is associated with 20-40% reduced activity of the MTHFR enzyme (depending on where on the gene the mutation is found).  Having two mutated alleles at the same location is associated with a 40-70% reduction in enzyme activity, again, with severity depending upon the location of the mutated alleles. Some people may have two mutated alleles – one at each of two different locations on the gene - and that also increases risk of a number of health issues.

How Does This Gene Impact Health?

Normally, the MTHFR gene produces enough of the related enzyme to perform its associated functions well. One function that is particularly important to mental health is the conversion of an essential B-vitamin, folate, into the more usable form, l-methylfolate. L-Methylfolate enables our bodies to convert the amino acid homocysteine to another amino acid, methionine. The body then uses methionine to make proteins and other important compounds, including neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine). These brain chemicals are essential for a number of aspects of mental health; thus, when this process is impaired, it can increase the likelihood of the mental health issues mentioned previously. In addition, when the enzyme is not working at normal capacity, it can lead to elevated levels of homocysteine in the blood, which can lead to cardiovascular and other health problems.

Despite the increased risks, however, having a specific MTHFR mutation has been associated with a reduced risk of acute lymphatic leukemia and colon cancer in those who have adequate folate levels.

The good news is that the risk of a variety of health problems is increased in those with MTHFR mutations, but thankfully, developing these problems is not guaranteed. If you have a personal or significant family history of one or more of the above illnesses, and in particular, if you have not responded as well as expected to conventional treatment for depression or other mental health issues, it is worth speaking with your medical provider about being tested for an MTHFR mutation. The preliminary research on MTHFR, autism, and ADHD suggest that adequate prenatal intake of folate – both in the period 3 months before conception and during the first month of pregnancy in particular - can reduce these risks.

Other Factors That Interfere With Folate Metabolism and Increase Health Risks

In addition to having an MTHFR mutation, there are other factors associated with decreased folate levels or poor absorption, including malnutrition, gastrointestinal illness, and high alcohol consumption. If you have an MTHFR mutation and/or one of the above issues, it is important to know that you will have reduced ability to metabolize folic acid, the synthetic form of folate that is found in processed foods (e.g., breads, cereals) and vitamins.

What You Can Do

The good news is that there are some simple and inexpensive steps one can take to reduce the risks associated with MTHFR mutations, possibly improve response to antidepressant therapies, and feel better in general. 

1. Speak with your healthcare provider about whether MTHFR testing may be appropriate for you. Your insurance company may or may not cover this expense, but some independent laboratories will process your blood sample for about $200. Before getting tested, it’s worth calling your insurer to see under what circumstances you will be covered for this specific lab test.
2. Swap out folic acid for the more bioavailable form of folate – l-methylfolate). This is more usable by the body and easily available in health food stores, many pharmacies, and online. L-methylfolate is sometimes referred to as “optimized folate.”
3. Avoid processed foods and supplements containing the folic acid form of folate. It’s not as easily used by people with an MTHFR mutation and may interfere with the absorption of l-methylfolate.
4. Strive to eat a diet that is healthy in general and includes folate-rich foods. Leafy greens, broccoli, lentils, and many beans are great sources of folate, fiber, and other nutrients.
5. Because MTHFR impacts the process of methylation, it is also recommended to take a methylated (and more usable) form of B12, known as methylcobalamin, rather than the more commonly available cyanocobalamin form. B12 absorption is essential for good mental health, and is also compromised by the MTHFR mutation and the other factors listed above.
6. Speak with your healthcare provider about what the your nutritional and vitamin regimen should consist of, including what doses would be most appropriate for you.
7. If you are planning a pregnancy and are positive for an MTHFR mutation, you may also need to add either low-dose aspirin or a blood thinner to your regimen to reduce the risk of blood clots associated with early miscarriage. Again, consult your healthcare provider to see if this is appropriate for you.
8. Finally, if one or both parents carry an MTHFR mutation, and particularly if your child has attentional difficulties or other cognitive or mental health issues, speak with your child’s pediatrician about whether you should supplement his or her diet with l-methylfolate, and at what dose.

For more information, please consult the following resources below.

Be well!

Photo Credit: © Kts | Dreamstime.com - DNA Structure Photo

Resources

The National Institutes of Health – Information on MTHFR

http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/gene/MTHFR 

Gilbody, S., Lewis, S. & Lightfoot, T. (2007). Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase (MTHFR) genetic polymorphisms and psychiatric disorders: A HuGE review. American Journal of Epidemiology, 165(1), 1-13.

Jamil, K. (2014). Clinical implications of MTHFR gene polymorphisms in various diseases. Biology and Medicine, 6(1), 1000e107.

Krull, K., Brouwers, P., Jain, N., Zhang, L., Bomgaars, L., Dreyer, Z., & ... Okcu, M. (2008). Folate pathway genetic polymorphisms are related to attention disorders in childhood leukemia survivors. The Journal Of Pediatrics, 152(1), 101-105.

Menon, S., Lea, R., Roy, B., Hanna, M., Wee, S., Haupt, L., & ... Griffiths, L. (2012). Genotypes of the MTHFR C677T and MTRR A66G genes act independently to reduce migraine disability in response to vitamin supplementation. Pharmacogenetics And Genomics, 22(10), 741-749. 

Nagele, P., Zeugswetter, B., Wiener, C., Burger, H., Hüpfl, M., Mittlböck, M., & Födinger, M. (2008). Influence of methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase gene polymorphisms on homocysteine concentrations after nitrous oxide anesthesia. Anesthesiology, 109(1), 36-43. 

Pu, D., Shen, Y., & Wu, J. (2013). Association between MTHFR gene polymorphisms and the risk of autism spectrum disorders: a meta-analysis. Autism Research: Official Journal Of The International Society For Autism Research, 6(5), 384-392.

Rogers, E. (2008). Has enhanced folate status during pregnancy altered natural selection and possibly Autism prevalence? A closer look at a possible link. Medical Hypotheses, 71(3), 406-410.