Macbeth did it over murder. What’s your excuse?
Sometimes, our hands just won’t come clean no matter how often or how hard we scrub. Assuming you’re not a Danish lord with ambitions for the crown, chances are your guilty conscience is reminding you that you owe a debt.
But we’re not talking credit cards and bank accounts here. Those are just numbers, after all. We’re talking about the kind of debt that really gets under the skin. The kind that keeps you up nights. The kind that makes you a walking irritability bomb.
When our consciences kick up a guilt-ridden fuss, it is often in an effort to preserve something that is most precious to us, namely friendship. That’s because the kind of debt we’re talking about is a particular sort of social debt involving what is known as reciprocal altruism. It’s the kind of you-scratch-my-back, I’ll-scratch-yours debt that social animals routinely expect of one another.
And for good reason. Reciprocal altruism helps us survive, and is likely a key ingredient in the social glue that binds friendships.
In dolphins and chimps, the outward signs of friendship are unmistakable. Dolphins who know each other well often swim side-by-side with their pectoral fins touching like lovers holding hands. Chimps sharing mutual affection are quite willing to while away much of their time in grooming one another.
Such bonding behaviors translate into survival benefits when pressing demands, like the need to feed, arise. Friends help friends, after all. Dolphin swim buddies are quick to clean up darting schools of fish by hunting cooperatively, while chimps reward the outstretched arms of empty-handed friends with morsels of meat.
It ends up that turn-taking is a key aspect of throwing successful dinner parties in the wild. But not everyone garners his fair share during any given meal. Dolphins who drive fish toward waiting companions are likely to miss out on the bulk of the catch, while chimp hunters who make the all-important assist are generally the ones left begging for leftovers.
Social debts aren’t always paid immediately, however. In fact, studies of animal cooperation have found that the closer a friendship bond is, the longer a debt is likely to be forgiven – within reason, that is – before social consequences come into play.
Our sense of fair-play tells us that one good turn deserves another. But payback can be a real bear. Sometimes so much so that we shirk obligations to pay our fellows back in kind.
And that’s precisely where guilt comes into the picture. When we owe socially, we experience a sense of unease, usually mild at first, which grows progressively more intense as time goes by. It’s as if a debt-collecting Guido has come knocking at the door. Gentle reminders gradually turn into leg-breaking threats the longer we fail to ante up.
Our guilt functions as a negative reinforcer, like a ringing telephone or buzzing seatbelt alarm spurring us to action. Eventually, our consciences compel repayment, in one form or another, to those we owe. All in the name of friendship.
So, you’re walking down the street when you spot a friend who did you a favor, maybe a week ago, maybe a year ago. You might owe big time, or maybe just a little. Do you call out and wave? Or perhaps cross the street and duck down the nearest alley? If you cut and run, one thing is for certain. Your feelings of guilt will see to it that you pay up eventually – or else.
Copyright © Seth Slater, 2014
Teaser Image: Google Image, justmind.org