“We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.
Even longer,' Pooh answered.”
What would we do without our friends? And yet, how often do we take time to thank them for what they have given us? I’m not talking about concrete gifts here, of course, but all of the tiny (and not so tiny) ways that friends contribute to the richness of our lives. If you’re like me and most people I know, no matter how grateful you may be, you probably don’t take a lot of time to say so. And truth be told, that’s probably just fine. Most of our friends know that they’re important to us, in the same way that we know that we’re important to them. And in a lot of cultures it’s not really okay to talk about these things – tell a friend how grateful you are and they’ll tell you how grateful they are for everything you do, and you’ll both end up feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed, so why even go there?
But there are ways to express your love and gratitude to friends without getting mushy and awkward. And there are two very good reasons to find some of these nonverbal expressions of gratitude: First, when you let someone know how much you genuinely appreciate them, you make them feel good. And second, when you share your thanks, you will almost always feel good yourself!!! (and in case you think that’s selfish, let me say that in my humble opinion, that doesn’t make it wrong to do it – just because we get pleasure from doing something doesn’t take away from the fact that it is also meaningful for someone else!).
Since giving thanks can make us all feel good, why not share that pleasure with your friends? What about a dinner that is itself a way of expressing your gratitude to one another – not necessarily in words, but in the age-old tradition of breaking bread together?
What about a FriendsGiving Dinner this season?
I can’t take credit for the idea, which I have heard about from a number of clients and my own child as well. But I think it’s one well-worth considering, whether on Thanksgiving Day or on another day during the holiday season.
It turns out that lots of people are already doing this, but without giving it a name. For many years my husband and I have celebrated Thanksgiving with friends, for example. But we have not thought to call it a day of giving thanks for those friends.
There are advantages to making the celebration about friends and friendship. Not only does it give you a chance to mutually appreciate one another, but it also means that you don’t have to worry about being polite to relatives like Great Aunt Mathilda who always mentions that you’ve gained weight every time she sees you. It also frees you from the necessity of eating dreaded traditional foods – whether that means dry turkey or cold mashed potatoes or jello salad.
One client tells me that each friend at her FriendsGiving dinner brings a traditional ethnic dish. It can be from his own family, or country of origin, or simply something that he loves to eat! Another says that the host chooses a theme for the meal – Italian, for example, or vegetarian, or even, in one case, Paleo – and everyone brings a dish that fits that theme. (For the Paleo Thanksgiving, the group decided that it would be okay for participants to bring non-Paleo food as well…) And still another says that they make a traditional Thanksgiving dinner – but with hot mashed potatoes and succulent turkey, and no jello salad.
Here’s another plus: These meals tend not to devolve into traditional family arguments.
But there’s a tradition to FriendsGiving that would be really nice at family gatherings as well. Somewhere in the course of the meal, someone often raises a glass and says “Thanks” for the friends at the table. Maybe we can do the same thing with our families when we get together with them? Wouldn’t that be an interesting tradition to start?
Please tell me about any FriendsGiving experiences you've had!!!
Copyright @ F.Diane Barthlcsw 2014
Teaser image source: iStock_000015044700