This blog has been up for a year now and we wish to thank you dear readers! Your comments have advised us, your stories inspired us, and your readership encouraged us. Reflecting on our first post , we are still driven by a deep passion to help women over 35 become moms. We have met a lot of our goals like dispelling myths about fertility and risks associated with older primigravids, offering coping strategies, introducing pregtiquette, and sharing stories of women just like you. We have delved into some of the meatier topics like work-life balance, conception enhancers, and single parent hood though the lenses of the over 35 year old woman. Our hope is that we have presented these topics in an insightful, intelligent, and relevant way. In the next year, we plan to further this work.
Underlying all of our posts lay the emotional and psychological aspects of choosing to pursue motherhood. What does this look like when one is older? How does your fertility journey affect this? What are the universal truths in respect to each individual’s experience? It is a privilege to be able to explore theses questions. All too often, fertility and motherhood are treated superficially (Just do IVF! Don’t worry, freeze your eggs! Buying Jiff makes you a better mom!). It is an interesting reflection on our cultural attitude towards mothering. As a therapist, I know the richness in life lies in exploring the meaning of our experience and reveling in the wonder of it all. I’m not talking about having some great existential crisis. Nor do I mean insincerely seeking happiness or pretending to be happy in the face of grave uncertainty or hardship. I’m referring to a peaceful acceptance of your circumstances and using that to seek understanding when possible and an appreciation of the unknown for things you simply cannot comprehend. Trying to conceive, pregnancy, and parenthood are sacred experiences worthy of this reflection.
We want to instill a sense of confidence in you. We want you to make decisions based on facts, not scare tactics and myths. The majority of couples between age 35 and 40 will conceive within one year of trying without fertility interventions. (I always warn my female patients over 40 that they can still get pregnant if they have not completed menopause and insist on pregnancy testing if I’m prescribing medications that could harm a fetus.) We want to encourage you that not all babies happen within a year, about 10% of couples over 35 will need a second or even third year. Sometimes a little patience is needed. With this knowledge comes a perspective that will serve you well once you are a parent.
The heart of our work, the most important thing we can share, is that absolutely no one but you gets to define you. That is why we are interviewing so many diverse women. The over 35 mom is not always the career crazed type A, nor is she always the consequence of poor relationship choices in her 20s or procrastination. Some women always dreamed of being moms, others came to it later on. Some have complete confidence in their bodies and others bought into the “fertility cliff” hype. Most have no trouble conceiving and others needed a lot of help.
People often feel most comfortable with set answers and neat patters but that is not life and certainly not fertility or parenting. I’m pleased to announce that after approximately three and a half years of trying, my husband and I are expecting a little girl! People always want to know how it happened. I tell them that our Karma ripened. Did we follow many of the suggestions offered in this blog? Absolutely! That was my level of comfort. We encourage you to forge and follow the path that is best for you. At the very end, I know that it was not one specific thing that brought this little miracle into being. If that was the case, then no one would ever struggle with fertility as we would all do that one thing. I also know my age was not a factor (and one of the nation’s top doctors will back this). My journey was much longer than most and at times I could not understand why. I firmly believe that my unshakable belief that we could conceive and I could carry a child was paramount in it actually happening. I had well meaning friends and relatives offer advice from doing IVF to even getting a surrogate. Some thought I was too old. Fortunately, I knew it would happen in its own time and way. I would not let them define me. That is our wish for you. Be informed, be empowered, be well in all that you do.
What’s your story? Send us a one page version if you would like it included in our work.
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