Can you believe that the holiday season is upon us already?
One of the biggest complaints my sex therapy clients have at this time of the year is that it’s impossible to have any semblance of a sex life. Between all the stress, traveling, overindulgent eating and drinking, family dynamics, and financial worries, it’s hard to find the energy - much less the desire - to have sex.
The idea of going almost two full months without intimacy is a tough pill to swallow for most couples, so today I’m here to share my favorite tips for preserving your sex life during the holiday season.
Create your own traditions as a new couple
If you’re a newly-married couple, this is a good opportunity to be mindful about what you want out of the holidays. You don’t have to go along with tradition - you can make your own decisions. How much time do you want to spend with family? How do you really want to celebrate New Year’s Eve?
Brainstorm together and come up with a special new ritual that the two of you can start celebrating every year. Perhaps you love decorating the house together. Maybe you could go away on a romantic vacation the weekend before Thanksgiving, or take an extra day off work to recover after New Years.
Prioritize alone time
Make an active effort to spend more quality time together during the holidays. If you know that you have a lot of travel and family time ahead of you, try to focus on being together as much as possible now. Say no to the holiday parties that don’t really interest you. Sit down with your schedules, and put date nights into the calendar.
Be sneaky if you have to!
Having quality time can be a little tricky during the holidays if you’re traveling or have guests, but you can be creative about getting your partner alone. Turn in to bed before you’re actually tired, and make time to talk about your days. Arrange for side-trips away from your family, or send guests off on special outings without you. Steal kisses from each other when no one is looking. Create a code word or gesture that means “meet me in the bedroom.” Sneak out of your parent’s house to go make out behind the shed. There can even be an illicit thrill to having sex in your childhood bed, especially if you have to go slow enough to prevent the springs from squeaking!
Have sex first
Make time to be intimate before going out to company work parties or celebratory dinners. Most people get too full (or intoxicated) to have sex after big events, so it’s a good idea to do it before! Plus, it will be so much more fun to go to your holiday functions with this sexy secret between the two of you.
Treat yourselves
Agree that your holidays gifts to each other will involve quality time or intimacy. Book yourselves a couples massage. Splurge on dinner at a fancy restaurant. Buy lingerie, nice sheets, or high-quality sex toys.
Communicate
The holidays are really stressful for most people, so it’s important to keep communicating with your partner. Remember that you’re a team, and talk about your expectations for the holiday season. Try to brainstorm ways to decrease stress together. Agree on a time to have a weekly (or even daily!) check-in about how things are going.
Don’t ignore sexual tension - revel in it
If you find yourself sexually frustrated during the holidays, see if you can actually enjoy the tension. Think about how exciting it will be once all the guests are gone and you have your partner all to yourself again. Send each other sexy texts or emails, describing what you’re going to do to each other when you get a second alone!
Happy holidays everyone!