I grew up in a disorganized system, never quite sure what to expect. My mother was beautiful, charming, and mercurial. There were small things—did she really say that or had I imagined it? I used to doubt my memory, to feel something was wrong with me—until my first year of college. For my last two years of high school, we lived in Ramstein, Germany where my father was stationed as an Air Force colonel, and I dreamed of going to UCLA. In my senior year, I sent away for applications and filled out the forms. That May I hugged my acceptance letter to my chest as a promise of things to come.
The next month, my family moved to a tract house in southern California, near Norton Air Force Base for my father’s new assignment. In late August I was packing my clothes for college when my mother came into my room and announced that she and my father had transferred my acceptance to UC Riverside, just a few miles down the road, so I “wouldn’t have to go away to college.” I stood there, numb. “We can’t afford it,” she said, and walked away. My deep disappointment was punctuated by fear—did my parents have financial problems? But that year, my mother got a mink coat and a new Mercedes for Christmas. I got a part-time job and began saving my money. I moved out at the end of my sophomore year, declaring my independence from a system I could not trust.
Healthy systems promote trust. We can rely on people who mean what they say, who are 
“congruent” (Rogers, 1989). Healthy communities offer social support, families and friends we can count on. We all need such support. Without it, people can experience isolation, anxiety, depression, even weakened immune systems (Cacioppo, Cacioppo, Capitanio, & Cole, 2015).
Trust builds community, combining reliability, honesty, and a sense of agency to promote greater concern for others and civic engagement (Twenge, Campbell, & Carter, 2014) . But recent research has shown a dramatic decline in trust in others and confidence in our social institutions over the past few decades (Twenge et al, 2014), which does not bode well for us as individuals or for the future of our democracy.
Each of our lives is part of a living system—from family systems to organizations to communities—where the action of one part influences the health of the whole. This insight has been affirmed fields from psychology, to ecology, physics, Eastern philosophy, and leadership theory (Dreher, 1996).
Within this dynamic system, our daily choices are constantly creating the larger community around us. By recognizing those we can trust and living with greater reliability, honesty, and agency, each of us can subtly change the system, building greater trust within and around us.
So here’s the question: what steps can you and I take today to start rebuilding trust in our world?
References
Cacioppo, J. T., Cacioppo, S., Capitanio, J. P.,& Cole, S. W. (2015). The neuroendocrinology of social isolation. The Annual Review of Psychology, 66 (9), 1-9.35. doi: 10.1146/annurev-psych-010814-015240
Dreher, D. E. (1996). The Tao of personal leadership. New York, NY: HarperCollins.
Rogers, C. R. (1989). A client-centered/person-centered approach to therapy In H. Kirschenbaum & V. L. Henderson. (Eds.), The Carl Rogers Reader (pp. 135-138).Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin.
Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K., & Carter, N. T. (2014). Declines in trust in others and confidence in institutions among American adults and late adolescents, 1972-2012. Psychological Science, 25, 1914-1923.
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Diane Dreher is a best-selling author, personal coach, and professor at Santa Clara University. Her latest book is Your Personal Renaissance: 12 Steps to Finding Your Life’s True Calling.
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