“You have a woman boss? Oh no, I feel for you. I had a woman boss once, and it was terrible.” Heard those words before? Why would someone feel that way about having a woman boss? Who would you rather work for, a man or a woman? Most men say they’d rather work for a man. And most women say the same thing. How can that be? Why wouldn’t you want to work for a woman? Is there a difference? What’s the big deal?
The Woman Boss: She’s a Keeper or Is She?
Here are some of the reasons we hear in our training classes from men and women about why someone may not want to work for a woman:
She has no real power to make decisions.
She’s not a problem solver.
She doesn’t think up anything new.
She is always hormonally driven (that time of the month, PMS, menopausal).
She doesn’t support other women.
She’s focused on her family (if she has one).
She’s focused on getting a man (if she’s single).
She plays favorites.
She cries a lot.
She doesn’t have the experience.
She has no sense of humor.
She’s not direct. It’s always a guessing game with her.
She’s like a queen bee. There’s no room for anyone else in the game.
She got the supervisor job because of affirmative action.
She’s a bitch.
She has no spine. She’s too soft.
She can’t make decisions.
She’s afraid to make decisions.
She makes wrong decisions.
She’s not connected to inside information or the powers-that-be.
She doesn’t see the big picture.
She’s focused on making everyone feel good instead of getting the job done.
She’s not tough enough.
She’s afraid to tell it like it is.
She’s too nice.
She’s too aggressive.
She acts like a man.
She cares only about herself and what you can do to make her look good.
She’s a perfectionist.
She sets unrealistic goals.
She acts more like a mom than a boss. (I already have a mom.)
You won’t get the good, challenging assignments in her group.
No one gets promoted from her group.
She doesn’t take a stand against management.
This list tells us that there are a lot of thoughts and assumptions out there about working for a woman. There’s not as much talk about why people don’t want to work for a man, simply because people figure they will have to work for a man; most bosses are male.
Some people tell us their best bosses were women. Some say their worst bosses were women. Just about everyone has a story, good or bad, about who they’d prefer as their boss. Let’s take the first half of this list and switch the she to a he:
He has no real power to make decisions.
He’s not a problem solver.
He doesn’t think up anything new.
He is always hormonally driven (that time of the month, PMS, menopausal).
He doesn’t support other men.
He’s focused on his family (if he has one).
He’s focused on getting a woman (if he’s single).
He plays favorites.
He cries a lot.
He doesn’t have the experience.
He has no sense of humor.
He’s not direct. It’s always a guessing game with him.
He’s like a queen bee. There’s no room for anyone else in the game.
Some of the items don’t make sense when we use the he instead of the she:
He is always hormonally driven (that time of the month, PMS, menopausal). Men don’t menstruate, so they don’t have a particular time of the month when they act differently (although some may say that men have hormone cycles to a much lesser degree than women and that older men go through a male menopause). If someone says to a man “It’s that time of the month,” it’s usually said with sarcasm or in a joking manner, as a putdown for his feminine-like behavior or complaints.
He cries a lot. Nope, haven’t heard that one about a man. We have heard “He sweats a lot,” for instance, when stressed. You don’t want people to see him sweat; that could give away his position.
He’s like a queen bee. People don’t call a man a queen bee. Instead, when acting like a woman queen bee, they might just call him a conceited jerk who hogs all the glory.
“He got the supervisor job because of affirmative action.” Assumptions are that the supervisor is a white man, so unless he’s an ethnic minority, people wouldn’t accuse him of being an affirmative action hire which, by the way, is meant as an insult, implying lack of skills and experience to do the job.
“He’s a bitch.” At the office people usually have plenty of names for a man they don’t like working with, but it usually isn’t “bitch.” Perhaps they’d call him a bastard.
Well, you get the idea. The ways we describe an unwanted female boss differ from how we talk about an unwanted male boss. Labels, stereotypes, and assumptions influence how we perceive the boss whether male or female and potentially our expectations of our relationship with that person. Some of the other descriptors could apply to either a male or female boss. When you close your eyes, who do you think of when you think of the best boss ever? Is it a gender thing or a personality thing? Is it about skills and knowledge? Is it charisma?
Women and men have different leadership behaviors and communication styles. This doesn’t mean that one style is necessarily better than the other or that one style is right and the other is wrong. They’re just different styles, and an excellent leader is familiar with both. It’s not only men who use a masculine leadership style or only women who use a feminine leadership style.
Code switch: Use leadership behaviors that are viewed as masculine or feminine to best meet your needs and help you make the impact you want.
Adapted from Audrey's book (co-authored), Code Switching: How to Talk so Men will Listen (Alpha Books 2009)