By Mary-Catherine McClain
I can remember telling my ninth grade teacher that I wanted to become a psychologist. Today, I can truly say I did it. Graduating from Wofford College with a Bachelor's in psychology, completing my Masters and Educational Specialist degrees as well as a Doctorate degree from Florida State University, finishing my pre-doctoral residency at Johns Hopkins University, and beginning my post-doctoral fellowship at the University of Georgia have all provided meaning and growth during this journey. I feel free; free from deadlines, free from fear of failure or being an impostor, and free from not reaching the light at the end of the tunnel. Although there will be more obstacles, more times where I will experience self-doubt, more professional tests, and other life challenges, I have developed a new mind-set where I can live and enjoy the present moment rather than focusing on future uncertainties and anxieties of the unknown.
Although I would complete this entire process all over again and repeat it in a heartbeat, there are several life lessons that I learned along the way. I hope that these lessons and insights can ease the journey of others pursuing higher education, whether in medicine, law, health, or any other discipline.
My Top 10 Valuable Lessons Learned:
1) Failure will happen. It's normal, human, and part of the process. PhDs would only take 1 year if some curve balls weren't thrown during the journey. You may feel like quitting and like you aren't making meaningful contributions, but you are. Look at the bigger picture and realize that failures build character, strength, passion, and determination. You will be better equipped going forward if you fail a couple of times. Graduate school also taught me that it is OK to say I don't know to a question.
2) Call home and use your support system. Remember, you don't have to carry the burden alone and that you have loved ones who want to help you. Just because you are in "graduate school" doesn't mean that you stop being a son/daughter, sibling, or friend. You will feel better if you let others in and allow others to encourage and support you, whether emotionally, financially, spiritually, or socially. Likewise, graduate school taught me how to develop thicker skin, how to learn from criticism, and to realize that everyone has their own "life stuff."
3) Pursue things outside of your research project. To maintain focus, motivation, and energy, it is crucial that you do things outside of the lab - whether exercising, volunteering, dating, networking, traveling, or attending concerts. Pick up a new hobby, such as cooking or scrapbooking. While you may finish school earlier if you only focus on research and academics, you will be lonely and missing out on other significant life events.
4) If you want to lift up yourself, you must lift up someone else. Give back and pay it forward to graduate students who are behind you in the program. Take someone out to lunch, collaborate on research projects, publish with other peers, and advocate in the community for what you are most passionate about.
5) Be flexible and maintain an open-mind. Take advantage of opportunities and be willing to change plans or research topics when necessary. On the other hand, know that is is OK to say no to extra projects and that you have every right to say no.
6) Engage in regular self-care. Listen to your body. If you don't feel good, make en appointment with your physician. Don't delay your health needs. Life happens so fast, and if you don't stop, you will miss it. Eat balanced meals, sleep 8 hours, exercise, schedule a massage, buy a pet, journal, watch TV, talk to friends, listen to music, etc. Do not pull all-nighters. To reach your goals, you must re-fuel your body and your mind. Think about short-term rewards and short-term consequences versus long-term rewards and long-term consequences. Taking a day off in the short-term may feel terrible or uncomfortable, but in the long run, it will only help you! You need your mind and body to make it! Ask yourself if this decision, event, or task will matter in 5 weeks, 5 months, or 5 years out.
7) Having a degree does not make you educated or an expert. You will need to continually attend professional development seminars, workshops, and events. Don't be afraid to consult, ask questions, and talk with your supervisor. The literature will always be updated, and it's important to keep on top of the latest research and policies. You cannot control others, you can only control your own behaviors, thoughts, and reactions.
8) Take the mountain one step at a time. You only need to see the first stair to eventually reach the top of the stair case. Every paper, every class, every practicum site, every exam, every meeting, every conversation will get you one step closer to the end. All successful people have taken these same baby steps. Short-cuts or easy paths just don't exist. Try to re-frame that as part of the challenge that is exciting and fun! Don't forget to ask yourself what you started in the first place and focus on that piece of it. In reality, these 5-7 years are only a small piece of hopefully a very long lifespan.
9) You are in graduate school and that is living. Just because you are not married or don't have children, doesn't mean that you are falling behind or are inadequate. it just means that every one has different priorities and preferences. Everyone has a unique life journey and story. Every life stage and season has a purpose and is important. Enjoy the present and don't long for the future. Society often sends the message that you should have everything now, but delayed gratification is a real and important thing. Remind yourself that few things will happen immediately and instantly in graduate school.
10) Be you. Be kind. Be gentle. Practice self-compassion and self-love. Take risks and remember to breathe. Sometimes, the only thing you need to do in a day is breathe, and that in itself is success. Finally, remember that this time in your life is a privilege.
Mary-Catherine McClain is a post-doctoral fellow at the University of Georgia Counseling Center.