When I was in college, I came across a poem—really, a prayer—that made a lasting impression on me. It’s from a little book of Christian poetry by Ruth Harms Calkin. It goes like this (used with permission):
You know, Lord, how I serve You
With great emotional fervor
In the limelight.
You know how eagerly I speak for You
At a women’s club.
You know how I effervesce when I promote
A fellowship group.
You know my genuine enthusiasm
At a Bible study.
But how would I react, I wonder...
If You pointed me to a basin of water
And asked me to wash the calloused feet
Of a bent and wrinkled old woman
Day after day
Month after month
In a room where nobody saw
And nobody knew.
The work of being a psychotherapist is a lot like the work that Ruth Harms Calkin describes in her poem. Day after day, month after month, in a room known for its privacy and confidentiality, a therapist quietly meets with another person. Whether it is an old woman or a young man, bent and wrinkled or high-strung and anxious, they come. There is no applause, no real audience to speak of. There are just two people, engaged in an intimate exchange with no witnesses. The work of tending the mind, heart, and soul of another turns out to be a lot like the humble act of washing someone’s feet.
This poem touched me because I, too, have impulses to live in the limelight. I suppose that writing a blog and even a book is an expression of that impulse! But, with help from my own therapists, I have worked hard to not make a lifestyle out of it. When I am able to rein in my impulses and devote myself to the simple, private work before me, I find myself more rested, more centered, and more grounded. I discover anew each day that quiet, humble work can build a solid foundation from which real creativity and success can stem. It is the only way I know to keep at the daily discipline of being a psychotherapist.
Success in so many aspects of life, especially creative endeavors, rests on this simple foundation, too. Innovation of all kinds is rooted in the basics. You’ve got to work the fundamentals. You’ve got to keep your eye on the ball, try not to get ahead of yourself, and take one step at a time. Success requires simple, private, humble, even mundane daily effort. No one will ever know all the work you invested to make what you do look so easy or do it so well.
I spend a lot of time in the workshop that is my therapy office. I have tried to create a space that is simple and not too fancy. It looks a lot like a living room with a desk in the corner, warm and relaxed, neat and inviting. I selected art with the wisdom of psychotherapy in mind. As a reminder that life is a journey, I chose images of doors, paths, and winding roads. A few years after I first set up my office, I added a special piece to mark my achievement in completing training to become a psychoanalyst. It is a metalwork design of The Tree of Life, made by poor workers in Haiti who pounded into shape the metal from recycled oil barrels. To me, the work of psychoanalysis is like making something beautiful out of the scraps that lie within our reach.
Over my desk hangs a black-and-white photograph of a water pitcher and basin next to a neatly stacked set of white towels. I selected it years ago because I liked how the image conveyed for me the work of service, the cleansing of the soul, and the new beginning symbolized by washing. One day while I was working with a patient, I glanced over at the photograph and made the connection for the first time. Here I was, decades later, doing the work of Ruth Harms Calkin’s poem. I was washing the callused feet of a bent and wrinkled old woman, in a room where nobody saw and nobody knew. It was a moment of satisfaction that I will always remember, for I realized that I was making progress in my psychological journey, too.
Copyright 2014 Jennifer Kunst, Ph.D.
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This post is adapted from Chapter 5 of Jennifer’s newly released book. To read more check out: Wisdom from the Couch: Knowing and Growing Yourself from the Inside Out.
National Psychotherapy Day is September 25, 2014! Check out resources here: http://www.nationalpsychotherapyday.com/