In a new relationship or one seasoned by time, for a female or male friend or relative, young or old, same sex or other, the desire to feel appreciated is universal and the methods of showing that you care are available to everyone. Is there someone you know whom you would like to please, someone whom you would love to have think of you warmly? Choose one of the following. Heck, choose ALL of the following. I promise you the deed will be worth the doing.
1. Give small “just-for-so” presents. Whether it’s a candy bar you know the other likes or a paperback book you found at a garage sale, it really is about the old adage that it’s the thought that counts.
2. Make it a point to slightly touch him or her often. I’m not talking about anything intimate but an enthusiastic hug of pleasure when you greet or part, a casual touch on the shoulder as you pass, a friendly squeeze of the arm as you walk side by side. Studies have shown that even the most fleeting touch of the fingers when a librarian returned a reader’s card made the customer remember the library visit as a more pleasant experience (and without ever knowing why.)
3. Share a warm memory of the other person. “I was thinking the other day about the time I saw you….” Knowing that you are noticed, remembered, thought of, is wonderfully flattering to anyone.
4. Make something. Whatever your talent, here’s a time to have it come into play. Can you cook? Invite him or her for dinner or even for tea and serve something you’ve made. A man in my life long ago made me a meal that had almonds in everything – the salad, the main dish, and the dessert all because I casually mentioned when we first met that I liked them. Needless to say, the fact that he took to heart a casual comment and remembered it impressed me even more than the meal he made. A folded paper crane made by a young relative learning origami sits on my desk for more than a year and usually makes me smile.
5. Plan an event. What comes to mind when I write that is the time a friend picked me up at work for an arranged lunch date and brought a packed basket for a picnic with everything in it including ants. (They were chocolate covered, an experience in itself!) What might have been a rushed workday lunch in a crowded business district restaurant became a memorable event. There was a park nearby and my friend even thought to bring a blanket to sit on in case there were no empty benches. This was almost fifty years ago. How many lunches have I eaten with friends in the intervening years, but this one stands out among them all, and so does the person who arranged it.
Many times over a long life have I been made to feel special by just such gestures. I can only hope I have spread the warmth around when I did them too. Here’s wishing you the same.