Academic psychologists will immediately recognize my title as a very important phenomenon in psychology, whereas those less familiar with the field are probably saying what the heck is that?
To no longer keep you in suspense, here is a simple definition from, where else, Wikipedia:
“In social psychology, the fundamental attribution error (also known as correspondence bias or attribution effect) describes the tendency to overestimate the effect of disposition or personality and underestimate the effect of the situation in explaining social behavior.”
In other words, when we see someone doing something, we tend to think it relates to their personality rather than the situation the person might be in.
So, for example, if someone cuts in front of you in line, your immediate reaction is "This person is an a-hole!", when in reality, maybe he never cuts into lines and is only doing it this time because he is about to miss his plane, the one he’s taking to be with his great aunt, who is on the verge of death.
Interestingly, social psychologists have found that we make the fundamental attribution error (or FAE, as I have never heard it called) about other people and rarely ourselves. When we do things, we always have a good reason. It’s other people we see as defective. And, listen, I’m sorry, but FAE or not, other people are defective. If everyone was more like me, this world would be a much better place!
A classic example of the FAE is the person who doesn’t call you back. Now you could go the usual route and think, “He is an inconsiderate SOB and my parents were right years ago when they said I should have dropped him as a friend.”
But the fundamental attribution error would remind you that there might very well be other reasons why this person hasn’t returned your call. Maybe he is going through major problems in his life. Maybe he’s got Alzheimer’s and has forgotten you exist. And then there is the ultimate reason he hasn’t called: He’s dead. My suggestion is that before you get all hot and bothered about your call not being returned, check the obituaries.
If you are the resentful sort, however, even this might not be enough. I haven’t heard from him in months, you might be saying to yourself, and he just died two days ago. He could have called!
Closely related to the FAE is a phenomenon for which I don’t know a name, but it’s the fact that we tend to take things personally. Maybe you could call this the fundamental selfishness error. Or the “all about me” effect (I suppose it relates to narcissism).
For example, there is the everyday experience of people who don’t treat you just right, as the royalty you implicitly believe you are. This relates to the feeling we so often have of being disrespected, a feeling so common that we’ve shortened the word “disrespected” to “dissed.” Someone says something that you feel belittles you, or they ignore you, or they talk about food when you want to talk about sports. You’ve been dissed! They have their nerve. Don’t they know who you are?
However, if we all recognize and accept the fundamental attribution error, we will never again have to feel dissed. People are all good and decent human beings, subject to the same difficulties in life that we are. When they ignore us, or don’t say thank you when we hold a door open for them, or step on our feet and don’t apologize, or make nasty comments about our mothers, we must remember that they are simply fellow sufferers. Maybe they are just having a bad day.
So the next time someone says, “You know, Frank, you’re a real p- in the a-. I’ve never liked you. And your mother is no box of chocolates either,” don’t have the usual reaction, which would be one of rage. The person is probably not saying it because he’s a jerk who hates you, but rather because he just missed winning the lottery by one number. He deserves your sympathy. And give it to him. Let him know how you realize that he’s probably in pain, and that is why he is lashing out at you. And after you’ve said that, say what you really wanted to say right from the start. Tell him to go you-know-what.