Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Last week, I received a call from a frustrated dad asking: “How can I get my child to go to therapy?” Of course, we discussed his son’s issues and how he needs to learn more ways of handling his emotions --- but our call reminded me so clearly why highly sensitive children like his son, Jack, refuse therapy and why another method works far better.
Why Therapy Doesn’t Work
Okay, I am going to the extremes here but therapy predisposes a few things that completely grate on a sensitive child’s mind/heart. Underlying therapy is the idea:
- There must be something wrong
- Therapist knows better
- You need to fix something because you are broken now
Highly sensitive and oftentimes strong-willed children rely on their intuitive intelligence first thus accessing their inner wisdom. They instinctually know that: a) they are not broken, b) inside of them is guidance, and c) nothing is wrong. So taking them to a therapist flies in the face of everything they know about themselves, which is why they refuse.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that these children have it “all together” --- what it means is that they refuse (rightly so) to enter into a relationship where they are deemed “the problem.” So my suggestion is to flip the script. Instead of taking them somewhere to fix them, bring them to someone to develop them.
Mentoring: The Missing Link
Opposed to the negative subtext of child therapy, mentoring begins with a subtext that is inherently positive. Mentors do exactly what highly sensitive children need: a) Celebrate their gifts, b) Understand sensitivity as positive, and c) Teach skills to successfully navigate as an HSC in a not-so sensitive world.
What I have also found is that most children want to be mentored. It’s not therapy. It’s a time to share what’s going in their lives with someone who cares. Not someone who is diagnosing them at every corner --- but someone whose been there, done that and who can take them to the happier side of life today.
One of my nine-year old clients, Anna, said of mentoring: “It’s great. You help me feel good about myself and let-go of my troublems (problems combined with troubles – her word).” It is for this reason that I love mentoring --- it’s not only healing for children but also plants the seeds of real strength and teaches practical tools that can be used throughout a lifetime.
Next Steps
What I know for sure is that mentoring works, and highly sensitive children that are mentored are given a huge advantage. Instead of their sensitivity becoming a liability, it gets turned into a strength. So my suggestion is to name this summer the summer of mentoring, and get your HSC connected to someone who can joyfully and wisely guide them to their greatness. Because so often it doesn’t take much for a child to see who they really are, and get them moving into their happiest direction.
Sidenote:
Maureen’s HSC Distance Mentoring Program: Starts 6/15/14 (3 months) (More info)
Upcoming Mentor Training Dates: 8/28/14 – LA; 10/15/14 – New York
(To train new mentors)
© 2014 by Maureen Dawn Healy
Maureen Dawn Healy is an award-winning author, popular speaker and director of a mentoring program for highly sensitive children. Her books, Growing Happy Kids, and The Energetic Keys to Indigo Kids (about highly sensitive yet stubborn children) are available everywhere. More info: www.growinghappykids.com and @mdhealy
*Of course, there are exceptions to every rule and some highly sensitive children can certainly benefit from therapeutic assistance. This is especially true for those struggling with more serious conditions (for example, clinical depression, suicide