Jill never intended to do it.
She was simply chatting on Facebook one night when she decided to check out Jack—her first love from back in high school.
She had often wondered (in the back of her mind) what he had ended up doing with his life, so she posted on his wall.
As it turns out, Jack was more than happy to reconnect.
They began to chat—catching up on 2 lives that had once been united in love, but had since gone different directions.
They chatted more and more often, sharing the details of their lives with an excitement that no longer seemed to punctuate their conversations with their spouses. And more and more, Jill found herself looking forward to when she and Jack could chat each day.
They shared stories. They talked about details of their lives with an honestly and an excitement that they hadn't felt in years. They made each other laugh as they recounted memories of their good times together years before.
Old feelings were resurrected. The inevitable happened.
It was wildly romantic—passionate and sexy, sprinkled with tender conversations. They felt things with each other that they hadn't felt in years.
Neither of their marriages made it. Neither did their resurrected love.
In 2009, Facebook was mentioned in 20% of the divorce papers served.
Last year, this number was up to 33%.
All of the pain that Jill and Jack (and their families) went through could have been avoided — here are some tips:
- Put as much time, affection, thought, and energy into your marriage as you do with friends on Facebook.
- Set your relationship status to MARRIED.
- Regularly post pictures of you and your spouse together. And regularly make your spouse the topic of your status update.
- Share your username and password with your spouse.
- In fact, I know some couples who have "spliced" internet connections—whatever sites he visits, she receives notification (and vice versa).
- Regularly update each other on your Facebook friends and friend requests. And let your spouse know the story behind each friend.
- Never share any negative comments about your spouse — even though that might be "what's on your mind" at the time.
- Don't "friend" old flames / past flings / former crushes / 1st loves.
- If exes want to befriend you, let your spouse know. And talk about what would (and what would not) be appropriate
- If you value your marriage, beware private chat sessions—secrecy and deep personal chatting are 2 key ingredients in emotional affairs, and chat sessions provide a perfect environment for these to mix. [It is interesting to note that recent studies have reported that people share more deeply and more personally in online chats than in face-to-face conversations.]
- A rule of thumb—"Would I be having this conversation? In this way? With this level of intimacy? If my spouse was also in on the conversation?"
For more information, see "Facebook and Your Marriage" by Jason and Kelli Krafsky.