In my last post I discussed how much of perception is inaccurate, and, as such, leads to believing a lie. It might be beneficial to review or refresh your memory with that post before proceeding. In this post I suggest how to use this knowledge to be happy; a philosophy of living, that when adopted, brings more joy to life.
The first step is to observe thinking. Most people are largely unaware of their thinking. Even when they are, they are too frequently swept away in it, letting the thoughts lead them rather than utilizing their thinking. Thoughts often take the thinker in its flow, without the awareness he is being driven (as opposed to driving the thoughts). As Ram Dass said, “My thinking mind is a perfect servant and a lousy master.”
Meditation is an excellent start to this awareness. The benefits of meditation and mindfulness are well documented, so much so that I likely write those exact words in every post. One can be mindful in other ways as well. Much of my previous writing focuses on ways to be mindful. (“Overcoming Unnecessary Suffering”, “Having Sex? Here is Your Chance To Reach Enlightenment”).
The more aware you become of your thinking, whether it’s through meditation or just monitoring it, the more acquainted you’ll become with its absurdity. I use the word absurdity because when you analyze thinking, much of the energy spent is unnecessary, laughable, and with no orderly relationship to real human life. In his phenomenal book “Buddha’s Brain”, Rick Hansen, Ph.D. discusses how “arbitrary and meaningless most of [thinking] is”, and how to rewire your brain to be happier. It all begins with recognizing that your automatic thinking is often ridiculous.
Much of Dr. Hansen’s book discusses how the brain’s response system is geared for thousands of years ago, when humans needed more focus on danger. As a result, thinking is negative biased. This negative bias has been demonstrated and replicated in study after study. In other words, much of our current thinking is geared at protecting us from phantom dangers, which we then create because of our reactions. When you are able to see it, it becomes humorous. It is absurd.
In existential discussion, Camus also discussed the absurdity of life as a whole. If you think about it, his point is excellent. Existentialism posits that we create the meaning in our life; there is no inherent meaning. The best scientific evidence suggests our purpose is simply to forward our genes. If you really evaluate life, and your life in particular, (and not to be insulting) in the grand scheme of things no one person is all that important. We like to believe that some are, or that we are, but in truth, as an old saying goes, “The graveyards are filled with indispensible people.” The world would get on without any one of us.
Though this may seem depressing (and in fact a friend commented that this philosophy left her feeling there is no point in living), that would be an overreaction. That response is a byproduct of unnecessary, ego based thought. You can, and should, create the meaning for your life. Just because there is no inherent meaning, and that without any individual the world would go on, does not mean you shouldn’t. People affect those around them, and perhaps make a difference in the world. Just because the world would go on without you, doesn’t mean you can’t make it a brighter place for those that matter to you (and for those you matter to).
So although life itself may be absurd, and you are expected to create your own meaning, it is still your one and only life (at least as the "you" that you know). It stands to reason it should be a life you fill with meaning, or a happy life, or hopefully both.
To get to this place, it might help to think of meditation as an analogy for life. In meditation, everyone gets swept away in automatic thoughts. (This is why many quit meditation, saying they cannot do it). It is perfectly normal to experience drifting away with thoughts over and over in meditation. Some days one will do well, and not get swept away as often. Other days one will feel the whole session worthless, as she was unable to catch her mind drifting. But despite the variance in the experience, getting swept away is normal. Life can be viewed in this way as well. There are times when one is serene, seemingly untouched by the experiences of life. One is able to sit back and observe the patterns evident in others behavior, or in his own. Other times one is swept away in the flow of life, in the minute-to-minute events and changes, or even in one’s daydreams and fantasy. As the goal of meditation is to catch these thoughts carrying one away, one can also be aware of how life does this, and to slip back into an awareness of life, rather than being drawn in. This offers one more control in his experience.
One way this mindset can help is when taking things too seriously and being down about it. The renowned author of, “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff”, Richard Carlson, suggested asking oneself, “How much will this matter a year from now?”. It would be a challenge for most to remember what they were worried about a year ago today. Another suggestion is taking the long view of problems. Stepping far back, and really looking at the insignificance of most problems frees up vast amounts of mental energy. This is not suggesting there isn’t legitimate pain in life. However, as Rick Hansen explains, much of the pain we feel is a result of our reaction to the pain we experience. We add to our woes with the way we think.
Much of the human reaction to negative stimuli is a result of fear: the impact of this feared event, what it might mean, and the assessment of one’s ability to handle it (and fear one might not be able to). This fear, which the human brain is biased toward as a result of its evolution for survival and focus on negatives, complicates whatever negative experience is presented, and results in more suffering than is necessary.
When one is able to step back, to challenge absurd thinking (and most is), one is not swept away in the negativity. When you can use your knowledge of these philosophies, one of which is based on brain science, to alter your view of reality, your ordinary, conditioned, automatically negative biased thoughts become powerless. These thoughts become amusing. You can stop being caught up in the flow of your absurd thinking, and instead choose to be in the moment. You can bring into the moment a more positive feeling. And with that, you are happier.
Copyright William Berry, 2014
References:
Carlson, Richard; 1997; Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Hansen, Rick; 2009; Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom”