Keeping Your Marriage Sexy- 7 Simple Secrets
As a wife with two small children I completely understand the lack of time and attention that gets paid to my sex life. Its not that I’m not interested in having sex, I like sex, it feels good and I would be happy to have more time for more of it. But when? Time is a key problem in this modern life of working, raising kids and trying to have a marriage. Its hard work and I wanted to try and work smarter, not harder, at having a good marriage and sex life.
The following is a list of what I found to work well for me to manage all of the balls I have in the air. Time for everything in a simple format. Time for me, my work, my kids and my husband.
Get a Weekly Date Night on your Calendar
This tip alone has contributed to saving my marriage and my sex life. That weekly time where my husband and I go to dinner and talk has helped to keep us connected with each other’s lives. At these dinners I have heard about his hopes, dreams and goals. I’ve learned who he works with and all of the politics in his office. I’ve heard about his struggles and understood my role in how to help him. The point of date night is to have some uninterrupted time that is precious to hang out with the one you love. We are very different on a date than we are in our house. At home is lots of interruptions, breaking up fights over toys and discussing what formula might help our baby stop throwing up so much. On dates it’s time for thoughtful discussion and being served food that neither of us has to make or clean up. Date night and the money that comes with paying for babysitter and the meal is the best investment we have made so far because it’s cheaper than divorce.
Schedule Time to go to the Gym
I put it as an appointment in my I-phone, otherwise it’s not going to happen. Going to the gym is key to having a good sex life because I feel toned, tight and in shape. Plus my stamina for sex is better, I have more energy and I’m not as grossed out when my husband touches me because I at least feel like I am making an effort. Twice a week is better than nothing (as I tell myself).
Wear Sexy Panties under your Mom and Work Clothes
Wearing nice underwear helps me to connect back with being sexual and being a sexy person. Nothing screams unattractive like big beige underpants. You have to wear them right after birthing a baby but work to get back into your Hanky Pankies, you will feel better about yourself and be ready for anything.
Keep the Kids out of your Bed
Once in a while a family bedtime feels nice. Its not nice though when it becomes a nightly routine that leaves no room for intimacy and touching between spouses. Many couples I see in my Marriage Counseling Practice have failed to keep this boundary in the bedroom. Sex has deteriorated and kids are free to sleep in the bed which isn’t good for them or for their parents. My suggestion is to transition the baby out of your bedroom and get a lock for your bedroom door so older children learn to knock and respect privacy.
Work on Having a Relationship & Sex Vision
A vision for our marriage, our goals, our sexual relationship and where we are trying to go. So many couples lack discussing what they are trying to accomplish personally and in the relationship. Where are you hoping to be in 1 year? What about 5 years from now? What rituals do we participate in with the family and as a couple? Couples with strong marriages report a solid underlying friendship that is rooted in discussing things like their mutual vision. Talk about it as a point of discussion on your date night. Take some notes about it and post it on the fridge to remind yourself what you guys are moving towards.
Schedule Time to see your Friends
The best measure of being happy is to live a balanced life. Trying to schedule time to see my girlfriends even monthly can be tricky but it feeds my soul. It’s through them that I feel normal about my situations and struggles. It’s also good to get their opinions about work, parenting and relationships that help me to go on with this stage of my life. Sometimes we meet for cocktails, sometimes we work out together. Having some people to talk to about the difficulty of this stage can be so helpful. Having friends a little bit older can also be good so you can talk with them about how they did it, and came out alive. You will be happier as a person if you have friendships in your life, take them time to make that happen.
Be the Spouse you Want them to Be
My philosophy of marriage is that you don’t pick the right partner, you are the right partner. Aim to put that into practice by being cool, thoughtful and nice. Try and let your hubby know you appreciate what he helps with, that he’s a good father and a good partner. When people feel accepted they want to be closer. If you have complaints or criticisms try and frame them as positive such as “will you do this instead of that?” Follow up conflicts with solutions to move forward.
Finally, if you feel things are off track or that resentments and anger have built up to an overwhelming level, get some help. Marriage counselors are on hand to help you both navigate the course. Find a qualified Marriage & Sex Therapist as www.AASECT.org