This week, Rush Limbaugh called a law student a slut for asking for health care birth control coverage in Congress. It was typical Middle Ages’ Inquisition misogyny.
President Obama’s “rescue” of the law student was also Middle Ages’ chivalry: saving the defenseless demoiselle in distress was pure demagogy.
Both attitudes, one aggressive, the other seductive, are equally dangerous for different reasons.
A frontal attack, like Limbaugh’s, forces a fight or flight reaction. If the perceived attack is too strong, our tendency to survive will force us to become paralyzed. This survival strategy is typical of the grizzly bear charging us. We need to duck and stay put until it shows off its power and loses its curiosity in us.
A seductive approach: “Poor child, come, I’ll protect you from the mean man,” is equally dangerous. Fight or flight is avoided, whereas a comforting and passive approach prevails: “It feels so cozy, I like to be protected, I like this guy.” The first impression is good, making you feel as if you’re being protected, whereas in fact this attitude minimizes your own ability to stand up for yourself.
Both undermine our own ability to land on our feet, defend ourselves, bounce back, prevail, and become resilient. Furthermore, it prevents us from thinking about our own stance, the pros and cons, the fair or unfair. In a way, both attitudes lead us away from making our own decisions. Also, caught between these two attitudes, the woman in the middle has no power: she is defenseless and submissive to outside powers with seemingly no power of her own. In this case, after all the disagreement about the woman’s “feelings” and “issues,” birth control is no longer a woman’s issue but a man’s issue.
How does this relate to work?
1. Is your boss a bully? How do you react to being bullied?
2. Is your boss over-protective of you, creating animosity with other workers who envy you or think that you have an undeserved advantage?
3. What is your attitude? Do you expect special favors or do you stand up for yourself?