Last week, a story appeared in a Florida paper about a man who stole over a dozen identities to run scams and launder money. The U.S. Marshals Service is hunting him down. They have a photo, but he used so many names lifted from others that it's been difficult for them to pin down this chameleonic offender. He operated under the radar, manipulating with charm, intelligence, and poise. For over a decade, he fooled everyone he met.
Rarely do we consider the signals that predators display. They succeed by studying us. I wrote a blog last week about the serial killers who duped those who were closest to them, and many readers said they were certain there were always clues.
There are clues. But it's not the behaviors they reveal that matter; it's how easily we overlook them or give them a benign spin. Predators operate best within a realm of trust, using social conventions as their tools. They rely on charm and exploit expectation.
You can read them, but you have to be informed and alert. Knowing their game can save your identity, your goods, and even your life.
There are many self-help guides about "reading people" and some provide lists of red alert behaviors. Among the best references are Robert Hare's Without Conscience, David Givens' Crime Signals, and Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear.
"Charm," says de Becker, "is almost always a directed instrument, which...has motive. To charm is to compel by allure or attraction."
When Robert Hare published Without Conscience, he knew there were few support groups for victims of psychopaths and he thought we should all learn what to look for. Among his suggestions are the following:
- Try not to be influenced by "props"—the winning smile, the promises, the fast talk, and the gifts meant to deflect you from the manipulation and exploitation that may be occurring. "Any of these characteristics," he writes, "can have enormous sleight-of-hand value, serving to distract you from the individual's real message."
- Psychopaths hide their dark sides until they get their target person deeply involved. Too much flattery, feigned kindness, and inconsistent stories should provide clues and put you on guard.
- Predators will try to make you feel obligated by performing an uninvited kindness or confiding a "secret."
- Psychopaths tend to like control, so if the social rules you express are unclear or weak, they'll spot the loopholes and take advantage.
Givens, an expert on nonverbal communication, offers the most diverse list of traits and behaviors, as he depicts liars, swindlers, pedophiles, and killers. He describes how predators can be overly friendly, flamboyant, and quick to engage in inappropriate intimacy. Their hand gestures may have a rehearsed quality or be absent altogether, and their eyes may lack the emotion that they're expressing.
There may be subtle self-stimulation with hands and fingers (especially touching the mouth), or lightly touching the potential victim ("preemptive tactile contact") during a request.
"A touch adds feeling," Givens says, "to make the matter more personal."
Touching another conveys fondness, which often disarms, but self-touching signals deception. In addition, the rhythmic repetition of gestures adds a hypnotic quality; this captures our attention and deflects us away from the predator's intent.
Voice tones are a subtle but powerful part of the arsenal. They can be dominating, intimate, and inviting all at once, gradually entrancing the target. An accent can have this effect, as can a deep voice. A quiet voice tone draws you closer. When matched with calculated body language, voice tones are doubly effective.
A behavioral chain may occur just before an explosive assault: the face may change color (sudden pallor or rapid reddening) or develop a moist sheen, and arteries may bulge. The cheek may tighten and lips slightly part. When feeling threatened, the eyes narrow, but during anger or excitement they widen, and blinking increases. All of this coupled with sudden silence is the cue to get out of there...fast!
Whether rapists, terrorists, thieves, or killers, they might reveal their intent. The human body is programmed for expression, and while polished predators can erase much of this from their repertoire, an informed person might still spot their approach.
We tend to operate in an atmosphere of social trust, so we can be blind to masks of deception. Some predators are so skilled they fool everyone. However, learning the signals and being alert can protect you against less polished bloodsuckers that subtly undermine their own game.