Dear Dr. G.,
My husband and I have been fighting about this constantly. He is the biggest worrier and I'm about to throw him out.
This is what we're at each other about:I think that my teenage son's parties should be at my house. I take the car keys from all the kids when they arrive and don't give them back until I make sure that they are sober enough to drive. If they are not then they sleep at my house. Look, I rather have them drink at my house than anywhere else. At least I know where they are and what kind of shape they are in. They are going to drink anyway so why would I want them to do it where I did it as a teen-on the street, at some stranger's house, or in a car.
My husband, who by the way is ten years older than me, is afraid that one of the kids will get sick at our house and we'll get into trouble. I think he's being ridiculous. They could get sick anywhere. At least, at my house I can watch them.
What's your opinion? Oh, and yes I might have a drink or two with them. But I am an adult and I enjoy a little alcohol from time to time.
A Party-Hearty Mother,
Dear Mother,
You are on thin ice here. First, these kids are underage and are not legally allowed to drink. You are allowing your own child and other parents' children to engage in dangerous and illegal behavior in your home.
Second, I doubt that these parents would be happy that you are condoning this behavior and that you are allowing their kids to drink at your house. They are unlikely to applaud your behavior. It's more likely that they would stop allowing their kids to go to your home if they knew what was going on under your roof. They might even report you to the police.
There are more things to consider. You said that you are taking their car keys and not allowing them to drive unless they are sober. And, did I hear you say that you are doing this after having had a few drinks yourself? You are in no position to be evaluating the sobriety of these kids. Nor should you have given yourself this task. And by having them drink at your house you are clearly giving them the message that underage drinking is okay in your book. Is this the message that you want to send?
You say that they will drink anyway so it might as well be under your watchful eyes. How do you know that they will drink anyway? I'd like you to also ask yourself a tough question. Is this really about the safety of the teens or do you desperately want the kids to like you? You say that your husband is ten years older than you. Are you looking for younger friends?
My answer to your question is NO.
You should NOT be allowing the teens to drink in your home. I am 100% with your husband on this one.
Dr. G.
To read more about this or similar issues please look at my website:
http://www.talkingteenage.com/