Two short weeks that feel like an eternity, after the senseless killing of 20 children in Newtown—how do families, a community, a state, and an entire nation, come to grips with the violence and the tragic loss?
Like many therapists nearby, after the initial shock and disbelief, I wanted to rush in immediately to comfort the bereaved families, the confused and terrified children and their courageous teachers, the first responders who saw things no one should ever see, and the horrified and grief stricken families whose community will never be the same.
But I knew the first mistake in every disaster is to rush in without an invitation or a plan. I reached out that evening and the next morning, and then went to Newtown to join a planning team.
Emergency responders from our state’s disaster mental health teams whom I’d helped to train, and from the Red Cross and the federal public health service, had mobilized and set up a coordinated response. At the Welcome Center at Reed Intermediate School, local mental health and pediatrics providers and community volunteers worked with first responders to make sure that every child and adult who came for help was met with kindness and compassion.
They each received the privacy to talk with a professional who could help them to find their own answers to the inevitable difficult questions like, "What do I tell my five-year-old?""Will it scare her if I show my feelings?”
As well as the unanswerable ones that still needed a caring ear: “How could this happen, and why?” And, “Am I a horrible person because I’m glad my child is still alive?”
The mental health professionals on site at Reed went well above and beyond the call of duty in those first days—as did so many people from Newtown, neighboring communities, and the nation. The only advice those therapists needed then was just a gentle reminder to remember to step back, breathe and reflect personally every so often. They needed to do this so they could maintain their remarkable presence of mind and poise with each new child or family, even as they felt exhausted physically and emotionally themselves.
Now all the children in Newtown are home from school and with their families for the holidays. While we gather our families, as therapists we're thinking ahead to the new year when school resumes.
The impact of this trauma is hitting home for the families of Newtown and the nation who have been horrified by the violence and moved by the loss. Almost everyone affected personally by the killings is experiencing stress reactions that are expectable as each person finds their own way to come to terms with the impact of the tragedy. These can include:
- fear and anger
- confusion
- guilt and shame
- inconsolable sadness
- difficulty feeling love or joy
- impulsive actions
- sleep problems
- over-reaction to minor annoyances
- lapses in memory
- regression to immature habits or attitudes
But no one, not even those most directly affected, has PTSD—posttraumatic stress disorder—from the shootings or their aftermath, yet. Stress reactions in the first days and weeks are the body’s way of expressing the state of shock and grief that every healthy human being feels in response to such violence and loss. An alarm system deep in the middle of the brain has been triggered, massively for those who are most directly affected.
Although these early stress reactions can be painful and puzzling, they are not a sign of bad things to come. Stress reactions in the immediate wake of trauma are the brain’s way of re-setting its inner alarm system. Therapy, therefore, must be geared to assisting each person to find their own way to help their brain work through and complete this entirely natural process.
As therapists, we need to know what to do to help without inadvertently causing more harm or suffering—primum non nocere. Just as it is a mistake to rush to the scene, it is a mistake to rush children or adults back to normalcy. Traumatized children and adults need time, space, support, and a few key facts to help them recover without developing PTSD.
Most of all, they need to know that their body had to gear up (or power down) to handle the shock. And that the stress reactions they’re having now are the brain’s way of re-setting its alarm system, to get out of survival mode and back to normal. Instead of letting anxiety or depression take over and escalate the stress reactions, it’s time to step back and draw on a deep inner sense of calm and confidence. That is incredibly difficult to do, but each of us has our own ways to find that foundation within ourselves, including:
- prayer or meditation
- soothing routines
- creative expression
- play
- giving to others
- being with the ones we love
- cooking
- music
- completing an unfinished project
- reading a child a bedtime story
As therapists, we must find our own inner foundation both in daily life and in our work with those who are suffering. We must not push ourselves to say the perfect thing or give the perfect advice, or our clients will follow that example and push themselves to prematurely get in touch with the depth of the pain, to experience the full emotional impact of the trauma, or to simply “get over it and move on.” Our shared goal must not be to try to comprehend all that has happened and all that it means, nor to quickly resolve all of the grief that is inevitable with such a loss.
Tending to the alarm in our own brain, and helping each client to understand and work through the process of finding the right way for them to help their brain to re-set its alarm, is what every therapist can do to help in the wake of senseless violence and tragic loss.
Hijacked by Your Brain blogs are co-authored by Jon Wortmann. Visit our website at www.hijackedbyyourbrain.com. You can follow us on facebook or join us on twitter @hijackedbook.